How to Prepare for Death (Just in Case)
The new Coronavirus has heighted our awareness of death, hasn’t it?
While some individuals remain in denial, dying to get their hair done or party on the beach, most of us have come to realize that death could come at any moment in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
Are you ready for death to arrive?
While it might feel overwhelming to consider, I think most of us will feel better if we take care of our affairs now – practically, emotionally, and spiritually. After all, you don’t want to die with regrets or leave a mess behind for your family or friends to clean up.
Preparing for death can also help you appreciate the preciousness of this life. It can inspire you to get your priorities straight, and live your remaining time – hopefully many years – with intention.
So let’s look at some of the important steps you can take to prepare for death.
1. Prepare an Advance Health Care Directive
When I received a blank Advanced Health Care Directive from my doctor, about a year ago, I put it in my inbox tray. It’s remained there, untouched, ever since.
But now, with COVID-19, I’m asking myself questions like, “Would I want to be intubated?” Only 20 – 33% of COVID-19 patients on ventilators survive, and the treatment itself can damage you physically and cognitively, according to this Bloomberg article: Life After Ventilators Can Be Hell for Coronavirus Survivors.
“Some people never fully recover, says Michael Rodricks, medical director of Somerset’s intensive-care unit. And those who do often must relearn basic skills such as walking, talking and swallowing.”
Also, once off a ventilator, your risk of dying is higher than average for at least the next year.
So I’ve pulled out that Advance Health Care Directive, and intend to fill it out this week. These are highly personal decisions, and your choices may be very different than mine. That’s okay.
An Advanced Care Directive, previously known as a Living Will, outlines the kind of care you want should you be hospitalized in a serious condition. It generally covers three aspects of care.
The kind of health treatment you want or don’t want.
Your wishes for comfort care (e.g. pain medication).
The person you want to make decisions for you if you cannot make your own.
You can download a free Advance Directive Forms for your state from AARP.
Or you might want to purchase forms for a small fee from Five Wishes, which offers a far more detailed process for thinking about your wishes, discussing them with your family, and documenting them in a more complete directive.
It’s important to do this now while your faculties are intact. You may not be able to articulate your desires once you are in a serious state. For example, some people experience neurological symptoms of COVID-19 like confusion even before they have respiratory symptoms or are hospitalized.
2. Prepare a Will
How would you like your possessions and assets to be divided once you have moved on? If you don’t decide while you’re alive, at least in the U. S., the state you live in will decide for you.
I had a will prepared when I was a member of Legal Shield. If your situation is not overly complicated you can prepare your will online in a short time. Check out the online resources in this article: How to Write Your Will Online in 15 minutes.
If your situation is complex, then you may need to see an attorney. I’m sure many attorneys are willing to meet with you on Zoom or another online platform, given the current shelter-in-place restrictions in most states.
Retirement account assets, life insurance and annuities aren’t passed down through a will. That’s also the case with my savings account, but not my checking. Be sure you have filled out beneficiary forms for these accounts.
3. Organize Your Financial and Personal Information
Make it easier for your Executor and Beneficiaries. Keep all your files in one place, and make a list of all your bank accounts, debts, monthly payments, and so on. Don’t forget to let him or her know how to access this information as well as your passwords and your will.
Make your funeral wishes known to your family or friends ahead of time. Don’t include these instructions in a will, which may not be found until after you’re buried.
4. Cherish Your Relationships While You Can
Do you have unfinished business with people in your life – current or past? Now is the time to repair those relationships. Forgive old grudges. Or at least make an aspiration to be able to do so, and work towards it as much as you can. Don’t forget to forgive yourself too for any “mistakes” you feel you’ve made in your life.
The novel coronavirus reminds us that we never know when our time will come. So don’t let a day go by without expressing your love, appreciation, and gratitude to those around you. Put people before things or work. Make it a point to engage in random acts of kindness, and treat other people as you would like to be treated.
5. Review Your Life
Don’t wait until the moment of death to review your life. In her best-selling memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing (affiliate link), Bronnie Ware shares 5 disappointments people often express as they near death:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Do any of these ring true for you? Are there other regrets you would have?
Ask yourself, “Am I living the live I want? Am I living a good life? How can I adjust my life now so I will die without regrets?”
6. Cultivate an Aware and Calm Mind
What is the dying process like in the final hours? People rarely think about that ahead of time, unless they’ve been with someone as they passed.
I won’t pretend that dying is easy. It may be for a small handful of people. But for many people, there is pain and the process of letting go of your identify as an embodied being as well.
In the Buddhist tradition, it’s said that the elements of the body – earth, water, fire, air – progressively dissolve and release into space. This process can begin months before actual death in a person with chronic illness, or later during the week or even the day of dying.
Uncomfortable sensations come along with each phase of this process. For example, when the earth element dissolves, the body feels extremely heavy or like it’s pressed down upon by a weight. When the water element dissolves you lose control over your bodily fluids and feel extremely parched. As the fire element dissolves, your body becomes extremely cold. When the air element dissolves, the in-breath becomes short and the out-breath becomes long.
If you learn to be present now with whatever occurs in your mind, heart, body, and life, it will be easier for you when you’re undergoing the intense process of dying. It will help you remember that you are the awareness witnessing all that occurs, and that thoughts and emotions about what happens are merely transitory projections. While you may still experience emotions like fear, anger, or regret, it will help to not get so caught up in them and to even release them so you suffer less as you die.
If you are interested in the Buddhist approach and feel ready to reflect on the process of dying as a way to prepare yourself for when the time actually comes, you might want to try this practice from Joan Halifax Roshi on the Dissolution of the Elements. Even reading it might provide food for thought.
Concluding Thoughts
This is not a comprehensive list of every possible way to prepare for death. So think for your self, what did I miss? What else would be important to you when it comes to preparing for your own death?
There’s a lot here to consider and to do. But you can think of it in both a short form and a long form. Identify what you can do quickly so you can be ready soon if that’s your fate. Then consider how you can expand on that if you are given more time.
For example, you can do a 15-minute will online right now and get it done. But later, you might want to go over the will and make changes or elaborations with an attorney.
I know saying “hello” to the eventuality of death in this way might feel scary and overwhelming. But consider how much more peaceful you’ll feel when your affairs are in order and you can live and die without regrets.
Your Turn
What are your thoughts on preparing for death? Are you ready - practically, emotionally, and spiritually? I would love to hear in the comments.
Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious! Don’t forget to sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self.
You might also like to check out my Living with Ease course or visit my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always. With love, Sandra
