On the Challenge of Solitude (During the Pandemic)
How are you feeling about being in solitude during this pandemic?
Of course, not everyone remains in isolation due to the virus crisis. Many provide essential services, work from home, or home school their children. They may feel just as exhausted as they do at the end of any non-pandemic day. If this is you, I want to acknowledge all you’re doing.
But for those of you who, like me, shelter in place alone (or with another), but without your usual work to occupy your day, how are you using your time?
The following piece from Leo Baubata at Zen Habits, which I find to be such a cogent reminder, underlines choice points we can make about our time from a spiritual perspective.
If that’s not your leaning, you can consider these same choices in relation to going deeper with your art, your healing, your self-discovery, or your learning.
We’re All Monastics Now
Baubata writes:
“My Zen teacher Susan recently told a group of her students at the end of a Zen meditation retreat, “We’re all monastics now.”
In this global pandemic, we’re in an era of isolation, retreat. We’re also in an era of heightened uncertainty.
This can be a terrible thing, and drive us to loneliness and distraction … or it can be a time of practice, reflection, and deepening.
We can choose to see ourselves as monks deepening into the stillness of a monastery.
It’s our choice.
If you’re staying home these days, it can be a time of endless Internet distractions … or you can open to the opportunity to use the beautiful solitude for meditation, reading, writing, contemplation, journaling. It can be a time of practice.
If you’re feeling the anxiety of the moment, it can be a time of near breakdown and freneticism … or it can be a moment to slow down and be still. Practice mindfully with whatever feelings are coming up.
You can go to the latest memes and viral videos (which are fun!) … or you can find a text and study it.
You can get caught up in frustration with how others are acting during this crisis … or you can practice opening in compassion, with compassion meditations.
This is a great opportunity to deepen into mindfulness and practice, to learn to face head-on the uncertainty and fears that arise in us, and to connect to the humanity going through this rather than disconnect from them.
We’re all monastics now — how will we use this time?”
The Challenge of Solitude
I agree with Babauta. It’s our choice to be distracted or to focus on what truly matters. But I also know it’s not always easy to choose what’s “good” for us, especially in a crisis that triggers emotional upheaval.
In my own case, the Internet lures me because it provides a sense of connection in these very alone times. The Internet seduces me because my dysfunctional emotional pattern tells me I must save the world by sharing the “correct” information.
And although I love it, in the beginning, I’m always, always afraid of stillness.
Although I’ve done a 3-month retreat on my own and a 3-year meditation retreat in a group, I still find it hard to commit to stillness.
Something deep in my being resists stillness. Some might fear facing themselves. For me, it’s the fear of not knowing whether, on the long run, all these hours of stillness are well spent. Maybe death is the end, and the joke will be on me.
So think for a moment, what fears keep you from stillness?
Having done those long retreats, I know that something remarkable happens when I take time to be still. The inner talk tires itself out in time. In its place, I find a vast and peaceful open space of mind - so beautiful, it’s impossible to accurately describe.
In this spacious mind, thoughts may still arise, but they seem far away. They don’t come close and stick to the surface of my mind. They don’t beg me to follow them. I might still get distracted from time-to-time, but that’s okay. I just bring my mind back home without a fuss.
My heart seems to open naturally when gifted this space. I feel our interconnectedness as humanity. Loneliness doesn’t exist in those moments.
Believe me, stillness can be so warm, cozy, and delicious.
But I understand if you feel intimidated by stillness. Try shorter spurts. Consider 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the late afternoon, and 30 minutes in the evening as a start. Add or subtract to make it work for you. Once you find a comfortable zone, add on from there.
I long for a deeper connection to Spirit. Now is the time for me. Maybe it could be the time for you too?
And even when it’s time to “reopen” our states and our countries, once you have a taste of the goodness of stillness, maybe you’ll choose more solitude as your preferred way of life going forward.
If you’re not called to go deeper into Spirit, you could use this time to read, write, contemplate, and journal on other themes. You might be called to make art or go deeper into your self-discovery journey.
You could work with these journaling prompts: 52 Self-Discovery Questions That Will Free Your Heart and Mind
Elizabeth Gilbert on Solitude and Stillness
In this wonderful short clip from Elizabeth Gilbert, she recalls how difficult it was to sit still during her first meditation retreat, even for 5 minutes. She seriously wanted to give up. Here she shares the story that changed her mind, and made her decide to stick it through and learn to be present with herself. I think you’ll enjoy the conclusion she reached, but I won’t spoil the surprise.
[Here’s the link in case the video doesn’t appear: https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/videos/852177408594757/]
Of course, everyone is different. You know best what you need right now.
Meditation is not the right solution for everyone, especially if you find your mental health at risk during this crisis. It may be more important to reach out to others by phone or Skype. If you find the loneliness too overwhelming, consider these simple ways you can get some of the “love” hormone flowing to help your system feel better: How to Keep Oxytocin Flowing While Social Distancing.
This isn’t about pressuring yourself to be hyper-productive, a stellar meditator, or a prolific artist. It’s about using your time to do what matters most with gentleness and kindness towards yourself. Of course, you may still get distracted from time-to-time. That’s okay. It’s about shifting the balance to what matters most to you.
And don’t worry, if I see you on Facebook, I won’t tell a soul.
Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious! Don’t forget to sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self.
You might also like to check out my Living with Ease course or visit my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always. With love, Sandra
