Why Spiritual People May Not Be So Spiritual
Spiritual seekers can be insensitive, fixated, and even cruel.
A minority use spirituality to solidify their egos and come out on top, all the while speaking piously.
Sounds harsh, I know. But I witnessed this when I lived in a spiritual community for three years.
Everyone, well, almost everyone, had positive intentions. But they also had years of built-in emotional habits and belief systems that hadn’t suddenly stopped when they turned toward spirituality.
Despite their lofty aspirations, they sometimes reacted aggressively, passive-aggressively, and narcissistically when triggered.
They were just human, after all.
Their poorly considered actions could easily bruise your ego. But in response, you might disregard your spiritual values when triggered, too.
It took time, but one day, I realized I had to shift from a “me versus them” mindset to a more compassionate, spiritual view.
Unkind Spiritual People
Living in a spiritual community where I had regular access to exceptional teachers and profound teachings seemed like a dream come true.
But when I came down with a mysterious illness, people responded to me through their conceptual models. Their actions sometimes seemed cruel.
For example, the nurse in our community assumed I had anorexia nervosa because I had lost a substantial amount of weight. He had worked in a clinic for young women with eating disorders, so he had to be correct.
He negatively influenced my off-site medical doctor and the person who drove me to medical appointments.
They aligned as a triadic force invested in what they believed to be my mental illness, unable to consider any other possibility. Assuming I was in denial, they condescended to me.
This continued for months but wasn’t the only challenging encounter I experienced as I struggled to gain a pound.
On another occasion, I asked a Buddhist nun about food missing from my limited provisions. Most foods made me ill, so I cherished and needed the handful I could eat to sustain my low weight.
“It’s time you got over your sensitivities. You need to desensitize your sensitivities,” she replied.
She showed no empathy for how a missing food might feel like a severe blow to an 84-pound me. She must have learned about desensitization during her years as a therapist and fixated on that as a solution to my health problems.
She knew best, and again, I was a prisoner of another person’s concept. But her solution was not a workable treatment for the yet-to-be-diagnosed mast cell disorder I had.
Those are just a few times when spiritual people acted unkindly toward me during that skinny minnie period of my life.
They probably thought they were helping me with their “tough love.” But what I needed was a medical protocol, not incorrect assumptions about my mental health.
The Tendency to Self-Absorption
To say I was self-absorbed in my health predicament would have been an understatement. Obsessed might be the best word. I felt desperate to find the correct diagnosis and cure.
I knew it wasn’t anorexia nervosa and felt furious about their incorrect assumptions. I felt isolated, alone, and powerless because I couldn’t get through to them or get the actual help I needed.
So, I fell into “me versus them” thinking. I was right; they were wrong.
As you can imagine, I experienced many moments of inner rage. But I couldn’t express it. I depended on those three individuals for my tiny food selection and transportation to medical appointments.
At any point, they could have said, “No more.”
Like my adversaries, as self-righteous as I felt, I also had many deep-seated emotional patterns and habitual modes of thought. So, I indulged in quiet anger, resentment, and feelings of victimization.
One day, my habitual responses took a sharp turn for no apparent reason.
I stomped from the courtyard, where a distressing discussion about my health occurred. I had wanted to scream, explode, and punch someone out.
Now, I vented those emotions through the force of my legs as I walked up the hill toward my accommodation. I stopped to rest momentarily and looked at the expansive view.
My mind suddenly snapped positively.
“What had happened to my spiritual values, such as love, compassion, and tolerance?”
Taking Things Personally
Many spiritual aphorisms could have applied to my situation. I had been so entangled in my ego identity that I hadn’t allowed a single one into my mind.
For example, it’s often said the obstacle is the path.
Instead of fighting against my illness, I could have accepted the situation as it was. Workable solutions may have appeared during the letting go and subsequent relaxation. If not, at the very least, I would have felt more inner peace.
The obstacle is the path.
I could have reflected upon the spiritual notion that your enemies are your most excellent spiritual teachers.
Patience, the kind that goes beyond the dualistic notion of “me and you,” is said to be a transcendental quality. The key is to see your enemies as your most excellent teachers.
If you can remain patient whenever someone criticizes, challenges, or opposes you and not react angrily, you’ll leapfrog ahead spiritually.
Your enemies are your most excellent spiritual teachers.
I could have considered the spiritual idea that we’re all the same. We all want happiness and don’t want suffering. But often, our actions don’t align with our aspirations, and we create suffering instead.
Instead of seeing my fellow practitioners as enemies, I could have realized they wanted happiness just like me. Their strong opinions buoyed their self-esteem and confidence. Isn’t that a natural human tendency?
Similarly, I wanted my illness to end so I could be happy again.
If I had recognized our similarities instead of angrily judging them, I may have built a communication bridge that would have produced a different outcome.
We’re all the same. We all want happiness and don’t want suffering.
You can probably think of another zillion spiritual lessons I could have learned if I hadn’t been stuck defending my position.
The Shift to Compassion
I didn’t suddenly transform into an awakened being.
But the insight that occurred that day I stomped up the hill caused a significant shift in my spiritual heart.
I began to feel compassion for my perceived enemies. I began to see that I needed to change, regardless of how they acted. I started to have more realistic expectations of the spiritually inclined—after all, we’re all, to some extent, still run by our very human emotions and beliefs.
My health challenges didn’t end, nor did the negative responses. I could tell several more tales of woe.
But it all became a bit easier because I had shifted from “me versus them” to “us” thinking. I consider that an incredible win.
Once my doctor prescribed antihistamines, part of the standard protocol for a mast cell disorder, I began to gain weight, too.
Originally published on Medium. Photo by Ingrid W. on Pexels.
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