How to Be More Generous
Did you know, generosity is good for you?
According to psychology, generous people say they’re happier, healthier, and more content with life than those who don’t give. And generosity benefits your mental health in even more ways because it can bring about a sense of pleasure, connection to others, and deeper feelings of trust.
From a spiritual perspective, the practice of generosity, when expressed through a loving, selfless intent, decreases attachment. That’s beneficial to you because attachment to possessions, people, circumstances, and yourself can cause so much suffering when things change, as they inevitably do.
Learning to let go is essential to your spiritual growth as well. And practicing generosity now may help you feel more at peace when death arrives and requires you to let go of every single thing.
Paradoxically, generosity turns out to be as beneficial to the giver as it is to the receiver.
But that’s only the case when you give selflessly to help others and without expectations for your own gain. If you expect praise, fame, gifts or favors in return, you’ll only feel resentful and disappointed if it’s not forthcoming. Once those kinds of feelings arise, the joy of giving vanishes.
It’s important to choose gifts wisely. Never give anything harmful. Giving a bottle of booze to an alcoholic, for example, would not be generosity.
When Generosity Is Hard: Start Small
I know it can be hard to give. Sometimes I feel scared to give myself.
Maybe you fear having nothing left or wonder if you’ll need a particular thing later on. Perhaps the thought of giving away something so simple as your favorite mug makes your heart skip a beat. And of course, you absolutely don’t want to share half your candy bar, you might starve!
These kinds of fears and hesitations can be deeply rooted in your unconscious mind. So don’t judge yourself if you start to contract at the thought of giving. Despite all the raves you read here about the power of generosity, giving won’t increase your sense of well-being if it strikes fear into your heart.
So how do you overcome a hesitation to give? The secret is to start small. Here are four different ways to do that followed by six types of giving.
1. Practice giving mentally.
In the Buddhist tradition, people practice giving mentally. For example, when you walk into a luxurious store, you offer the abundance you see to all living beings. When you’re about to dig into a sumptuous meal, you offer the plentitude to all.
Don’t disregard this practice as not being real. It’s a powerful way to gradually shift your automatic response from stinginess to generosity.
2. Give through small acts of kindness.
For example, offer compliments, hold the door for someone, or send a text message to encourage a friend on an important day.
Small acts of kindness cost nothing and take very little time, but they can make a big difference in another person’s day.
Equally important, they help you get out of your head, where you’re probably thinking about yourself, your worries, and your world, and move you into thinking of others - a first step toward selflessness.
3. Be generous of mind.
Reserve judgment. Give the benefit of the doubt. Instead of finding fault, look for the positives. Be thankful. Appreciate others.
4. When it comes to actually giving, start small.
Start with small gifts like a a very tiny amount of money, an inexpensive possession, or even just a piece of fruit. For example, I often put my change in the donation box at the end of the checkout line at the health food store. I like the one that supports an animal sanctuary for cats and dogs.
If you live in the U.S., and shop on Amazon, start shopping on Amazon Smile instead. When you do, Amazon will donate .05% of your eligible Amazon Smile purchases to the charitable organization of your choice. It’s exactly the same as Amazon in terms of prices, products, and services, with the added joy of giving a bit of Amazon’s money to someone else.
Sure, you’re not giving your money, but it takes a little time and effort to select your charity and to remember to go to the Amazon Smile website instead of the main site when you’re ready to buy. Most importantly, it begins to reshape your mind to consider of the needs of others, instead of always thinking “me, me, me” as most of us do.
I don’t know what “small” would look like for you. So take a few moments and make a list of 10 small ways you could give that would not throw you into a panic. Then start with one of those.
Practice in these ways for awhile, until you feel an inner shift from fear or hesitation to more openness and willingness to give more. You won’t necessarily transform overnight, but you’ll have more moments when you feel ready to be more generous.
6 Ways to Practice Generosity
Once you’ve started to build your capacity to give, you could branch out and consider more ways of giving. I’m sure you could think of others, but here are six main ways of giving.
1 - Material Possessions
Have you watched the Marie Kondo program on Netflix? In case you don’t know, Marie Kondo is a world renowned decluttering coach. Each episode showcases a transformation from clutter to greater simplicity. It’s alarming to see the number of large trash bags of “stuff” that come out of each household, sometimes 50 or 60 or more.
People in developed countries accumulate unprecedented amounts of stuff. They often need a storage unit in addition to their home. It’s time to start giving those material possessions away. You’ll probably feel relieved.
But you don’t have to limit yourself to giving your own material possessions alone. You could buy food, clothes, books, or other items for friends or people in need. Ideas:
Simplify your life and give away everything you don’t need. Instead of throwing useable items in the trash, which could add to plastic and other forms of pollution offer them to friends, or take them to a charity store. Some legendary Buddhist teachers have given away all their possessions two or three times in their lifetime, as a practice of non-attachment.
When someone admires an article of your clothing, freely offer it to them. They may object, but simply insist you want them to have it.
Donate your books to a Little Free Library.
Contribute food to a food drive.
2 - Money
Everyone likes to receive money, don’t they? Make someone’s day by being especially generous.
Tip generously.
Take a friend to the movies, the theater, or a comedy show and buy his or her ticket.
Give to a homeless person.
Put your change in donation cans at the store.
Make donations - big or small - to charitable organizations.
Pay for the car behind you in the drive-thru.
Buy a drink at a kid’s lemonade stand and given them an extra tip.
3 - Your Time
No one seems to have extra time these days, so when you offer your time it’s truly a precious gift.
Offer to babysit for friends or neighbors so they can have a night out.
Become a mentor to a child or share your skills and knowledge with someone who needs help at work.
Call up a friend who’s having a hard time just to listen and support him or her.
Become a volunteer for a service organization.
4 - Protection from Fear
Help those recovering from a catastrophe like a hurricane, flood, or lava eruption or who live in fear every day, like people who live in war zones.
Volunteer your time at a battered women’s shelter, animal shelter, or homeless shelter.
Adopt an orphan.
Lend a hand during the aftermath of a disaster.
5 - Your Body
Not everyone will have an opportunity to be an organ donor, and you may not have the physical strength to volunteer as a house builder. But we all have to give up our body, usually our most prized possession, when we die. So it’s worthwhile to reflect on the transitory nature of your body, even if you cannot offer it in ways like these.
Register as an organ donor at death.
Donate an organ while you are alive, like a kidney, to someone in need.
Donate your blood, there is a big need for blood donors these days.
Volunteer at places like Habitat for Humanity, where you use body skills and strength to help others.
Work in occupations that put your life on the line: police officers, fire fighters, and so on.
Work in occupations where your life energy is devoted to helping others; for example, in charities, non-profits, or aid work.
Help your elderly neighbor with difficult tasks that require physical exertion.
6 - Spiritual Wisdom
Don’t preach or evangelize, but share spiritual teachings or truths with people who are receptive to them. Spiritual teachings have the power to free us from unnecessary suffering. In that sense, they are one of the most valuable gifts that can be given.
If you need more ideas or inspiration to start or keep you giving read some of these amazing 75-Day Brigthening Stories of Generosity.
Should You Give Till It Hurts?
Have you heard the saying, “give till it hurts”? I think there’s some wisdom in that statement, but it also must be understood and applied with intelligence.
With any practice of compassion, you start where you are and gradually build your capacity. If you try to do too much too fast, you may feel resentful, burn yourself out, and then give up. So don’t give in ways that hurt so much, you end up in a negative state. That won’t help you or anyone else.
At the same time, if you want generosity to be a tool for waking up and reducing attachment, you’ll need to stretch yourself a bit. But again, you can start small and build your capacity.
For example, instead of giving one dollar, give two. Instead of giving an hour, give a morning. Instead of giving the mug you don’t like, give your favorite one.
Stretching yourself in this way will help you connect with that place inside where it’s difficult to let go, and gradually soften it.
But be intelligent about it.
Always stay in touch with your internal experience. If you’re about to enter into resentment, regret, or exhaustion, pull back. If you sense what you’re doing isn’t truly helping, pause. Always trust yourself and your internal experience. Don’t give blindly because you “should.”
The idea is to build your capacity to give with a feeling of joy. You may still experience a tinge of hesitation or fear, but overall the experience is positive.
Most people will need to expand their ability to give gradually. Generosity often requires changing a life-long habit of “me first.” It takes time to reroute deeply embeded neural pathways in our brain.
That’s not to say everyone is selfish; there’s a tremendous amount of generosity in this world. But realistically, if you looked at your mind for the better part of a day, you would probably find the main focus is on you and your own happiness or the happiness of those closest to you.
Generosity Is Powerful
Generosity is a powerful way to stop over-fixating on your self and your own troubles. People often say that helping others puts their own woes into perspective.
In Buddhism, when generosity is practiced without concepts or a solid sense of “giver, gift, and receiver” it becomes a transcendental action that leads you closer to spiritual awakening.
What does that mean?
You’re no longer embroiled in thoughts like, “Wow, I am so amazing to be giving this. It’s the most fantastic gift ever. He or she had better appreciate it.”
You just give with an open-heart, and if thoughts about it do come up, you let them pass by. You don’t cling to them and make them bigger, more real, and more solid.
But even if you cannot practice generosity in this “perfect” way, give as best you can.
The practice of generosity will open your eyes to the world around. In so doing, it will lead you to become a more conscious, more aware, and kinder human being. And as the psychologists say, you’ll be happier, healthier, and more content too.
Your Turn
How do you feel about generosity? Is it easy? Hard? What helps you be more generous? I would love to hear in the comments.
Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious! Don’t forget to sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self. Subscribers receive access to the Always Well Within Library of free self-development resources.
And if you would like to support Always Well Within, buy my Living with Ease course or visit my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always. With love, Sandra
