3 Stepping Stones to True Happiness
Everyone seeks happiness. Indeed, we do all we can to avoid suffering.
But what if we’re chasing the wrong thing and avoiding what we need to most understand?
In his first teaching, the Buddha outlined the Four Noble Truths:
“The truth of suffering, which is to be understood,
The truth of the origin of suffering, which is to be abandoned
The truth of the cessation of suffering, which is to be actualized
The truth of the path, which is to be relied upon.”
The Buddha didn’t say, “Life is suffering.”
He only observed that suffering exists. This observation led him to search for a solution to suffering, and hence his teaching on the Four Noble Truths.
If we want to bring an end to suffering, the Buddha said, we must first understand it.
This is where we go wrong.
We search for the perfect relationship, the perfect job, and the perfect possessions, believing they will bring us lasting happiness.
But time and again, we’re disappointed. Perhaps not initially, but at some point these externals inevitably change and suffering ensues.
“Though longing to be rid of suffering,
They rush headlong towards suffering itself.
Although longing to be happy, in their ignorance
They destroy their own well-being, as if it were their worst enemy.”
—Shantideva
If we truly understand that suffering punctuates human life as long as we act on misconceptions about reality, we’ll be able address the causes of suffering, change our own self-limiting behaviors, and travel the path to the cessation of suffering.
The Many Forms of Suffering
The Buddhist teachings describe three fundamental types of suffering:
The suffering of change — You break your leg.
Suffering upon suffering—You break your leg and then you lose your job. Alternatively, this can be explained as having a pleasurable experience that changes into a negative one. For example, you have a sumptuous meal and then get an upset stomach.
The suffering of everything composite—Even when life seems sweet as a ripe Bing cherry, we’re still enmeshed in the causes of suffering. Why? Because the production of all we require to live—our food, clothing, homes, and other items—causes suffering. All the discomfort and pain animals endure when they’re raised in factory farms and killed for food is an example of this kind of suffering. So, as a human being, we cause suffering to others simply through our existence.
Then there are the four great streams of suffering: birth, sickness, old age, and death. Finally, there are two additional sufferings: the suffering of not getting what one wants and the suffering of encountering what one does not want.
“What is suffering? It is the pain that accompanies birth, growing old, falling sick, and dying. It also includes the suffering of meeting the unpleasant and parting from the pleasant. Not finding what is being sought is also suffering. In short the five perpetuating aggregates are suffering. This is what we call suffering.” — Lalitavistara Sutra
It would be depressing if the story stopped there. But the three remaining Noble Truths gives us the power to change our situation.
The Causes of Suffering
As radical as it may sound, the Buddha also said we can bring an end to suffering. To do that, we need to understand its causes and abandon them.
What are the causes of suffering?
Confusion about reality. This includes the belief in a permanent, continuous self, not understanding karma—the notion that our thoughts, words and actions have consequences, and not appreciating impermanence, which constantly occurs on both a subtle and gross level.
Disturbing emotions. The constant play of attachment and aversion leads to disturbing emotions—like jealousy, anger, and greed. We want this and don’t want that. So, we suffer or cause others to suffer when we don’t get what we want or when we get what we don’t want.
Habitual tendencies (also called karmic propensities). Whatever types of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors we engage in repeatedly grow stronger and thus become habitual patterns. For example, the tendency to any emotion, like anger, jealousy, or worry, becomes an habitual pattern that we feel compelled to repeat again when triggered. These emotions cause us internal strife. When we act on them, our actions can cause suffering for others as well and can then boomerang to cause even more suffering for ourselves.
“The root of suffering is attachment.” — the Buddha
If we want to be happy, instead of attaching to possessions, people, or ideal situations, the Buddha says we need to focus on working with our own mind and heart.
3 Steps to More Happiness
While it might initially be difficult to grasp ideas like “no self,” you can begin by working with your own habitual patterns. Here are three steps you can take based on the wisdom contained in the Four Noble Truths.
First and foremost, stop looking for happiness in the wrong places.
You’ll never find lasting happiness in possessions, people, or what appear to be perfect circumstances because they’re all subject to change.
An unidentified stranger dents your brand new car.
You discover aggravating personality traits in your new boyfriend.
Your wonderful old boss is replaced with a tyrant.
This isn’t necessarily easy to do because we’re so conditioned to look for happiness in externals. You’ll have to gently catch yourself again and again until you’ve fully embraced this truth.
Feel grateful when life goes well, enjoy nice things, and appreciate the people in your life. But don’t expect everything and everyone to stay the same indefinitely.
“All conditioned things are impermanent” — when one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering.”—the Buddha
Work with your own habits of mind and heart to change the patterns that repeatedly cause you to suffer.
Whatever afflictive emotional tendencies typically dominate your mind, like fear, anger, jealousy, desire, sadness, or another, you can change your beliefs and learn to release your emotional reactions. Many tools are available to help you do so, from affirmations to psychotherapy to meditation.
When we stop being disturbed by every little thing, life becomes so much lighter.
“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.”—the Buddha
Respect the law of cause and effect.
According to the law of cause and effect, also known as the law of karma, positive actions lead to happiness and negative actions lead to suffering.
Therefore, strive to do no harm. According to the suffering of everything composite, it’s impossible to be human and do no harm whatsoever. But there are still plenty of ways to reduce harmful outcomes. For example, on a small scale, don’t get nasty when you have to wait in line. Practice patience instead.
If positive actions bring happiness, it makes sense to do as much good as you can, doesn’t it? Give a compliment, help your friend, donate to a charity. There are so many opportunities to do good every single day.
“Set your heart on doing good. Do it over and over again, And you will be filled with joy.”—the Buddha
Closing Thoughts
Happiness often seems elusive. We may feel happy for a short while, but then like a butterfly our happiness flits away to the next flower.
If we seek genuine happiness, we need to understand what causes us to suffer. According to the Buddha, this includes:
Misconceptions about reality
Attachment and aversion, which lead to disturbing emotions
Negative mental states and behaviors that when repeated become karmic propensities we’re inclined to reproduce in the future
We can start on the path to greater happiness right now by employing these methods:
Stop looking for happiness in the wrong places
Transform our own self-limiting habits of thinking and feeling that repeatedly create suffering for ourselves and sometimes for others.
Respect the law of cause and effect and act accordingly by refraining from harm and engaging in positive actions.
As we do, life begins to feel lighter, brighter, and sweeter.
Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious! Don’t forget to sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self.
You might also like to check out my Living with Ease course or visit my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always. With love, Sandra