Gaining the Courage to Face Yourself on the Spiritual Path
It’s only human to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
This explains why we sometimes use spirituality to avoid facing ourselves.
I know. I excelled at spiritual bypassing for a good decade or more.
Psychotherapist John Welwood coined the term “spiritual bypassing” more than thirty years ago to describe this psychological phenomenon.
In an interview with Tina Fosella, Welwood explained the meaning of spiritual bypassing:
“Spiritual bypassing is a term I coined to describe a process I saw happening in the Buddhist community I was in, and also in myself. Although most of us were sincerely trying to work on ourselves, I noticed a widespread tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”—John Welwood
Spiritual bypassing can feel amazing at first.
For example, meditation can lead to states of bliss, clarity, or the absence of thoughts. Naturally, you long to stay in those kinds of beautiful headspaces and remain cocooned from emotional pain.
But spiritual experiences can evaporate as quickly as they arise. And spiritual bypassing doesn’t lead to spiritual awakening—just the opposite. It keeps you in a revolving door made of your own yet to be acknowledged emotional patterns.
What does spiritual bypassing look like? How can you go beyond it?
Let’s explore.
Spiritual Bypassing as a Community
My first spiritual teacher possessed a magnetic quality. Although I had no prior interest in spirituality, I quickly became a dedicated student and part of his inner circle.
I’d seen the darker side of humanity through early trauma and later, when I suffered a physical assault.
Nevertheless, I had retained an optimistic spirit.
I wanted to end the suffering of the world. Meeting this charismatic teacher made me feel this outrageous goal could be achieved.
My intuition wasn’t off base in terms of his power and potential. A few years later his New York Times bestseller reached thousands and thousands of people, giving them an entirely new perspective.
Behind the scenes, however, my teacher acted in demanding, harsh, and critical ways—like a tyrant. He expected us to follow his every order.
My teacher explained his behavior as a “special spiritual training” meant to diminish ego and destined for a select set. We naively accepted his unkind actions as a blessing and felt fortunate to have been chosen.
As you might guess, my teacher promoted spiritual bypassing.
He relentlessly denigrated psychology, therapy, and therapists. He pointed out, again and again, that the great masters of the past had never gone into retreat to solve their “emotional problems.”
He encouraged us to set aside our “petty” emotional concerns and dedicate ourselves fully to spiritual study and practice—the only real way to obviate any psychological challenges we might have.
Naturally, we adopted his disdain for all things psychological. Following his lead, we dismissed our human needs, feelings, and psychological issues. Because you want to belong and progress on the spiritual path, you go along with the cultural narrative.
That’s my personal example of spiritual bypassing on a community level.
Your teacher may not be a tyrant. But she may believe spiritual practice trumps psychological work every time, and pass that belief onto you and others in her community.
I can attest, however, that bypassing emotional issues did not bring positive spiritual outcomes for individuals in my community.
People felt uplifted during retreats but once home they remained highly reactive to the same emotional triggers.
They brought psychological problems like depression to my teacher. He gave them spiritual solutions that didn’t change a thing.
My teacher was able to take people into a simple, free, and open state of conscious during meditation. But students weren’t able to achieve this state on their own. Between retreat, they watched his videos to get regular doses. But still, they reported feeling overwhelmed by challenging emotions and seemingly intractable negative self-beliefs in-between those transcendent moments.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
What to do:
If you suspect you’re in the throes of spiritual bypassing, learn more about it—there are several excellent books on the topic.
Feel your feelings. Journal about them. Share them with a friend. When they arise in meditation, allow yourself to feel them in your body. Consider meeting with a therapist to explore, unravel, and heal your deeper emotional issues.
At first, it may not be easy. But keep going.
I moved two oceans away from my teacher, but it took time to shake off his deeply embedded influence.
Spiritual Bypassing On Your Own
Your spiritual community may not dismiss the benefits of psychological work. They may even encourage therapy as a compliment to your spiritual practice.
Or you might not have a spiritual community. You might watch spiritual videos on YouTube and practice on your own.
Either way, you may still unknowingly use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid facing your unresolved psychological issues.
Chances are, you’ve already bypassed your emotional wounds prior to encountering the spiritual path. You may have partied, taken drugs, or overworked to feel good or successful and at the same time, avoid facing messy emotional issues.
So you just continue the bypassing using spirituality as your vehicle. Spiritual bypassing can manifest in many different ways.
I worked 24–7 as the director of my spiritual community. I was busy doing good. I didn’t think about my unfinished developmental tasks for a moment.
That’s one way to spiritually bypass.
Or you might:
Become obsessed with spiritual practice, disconnect from the world, and seek spiritual relief whenever a problem occurs instead of facing it head on.
Engage in toxic positivity, suppressing negative emotions at all costs.
Attempt to please your teacher or other leaders in your group in order to receive affirmation, a momentary fix for your low self-esteem.
Spiritual bypassing is common. It shows up when you keep going around in circles on the spiritual path. But you have to open your eyes to see it.
You know when you’re making progress on the spiritual path. You become less emotionally reactive and less rigid mentally.
If you remain a tightly-strung ball of reactivity or conversely feel numb to your emotions despite months or years of spiritual practice, it might be time to consider whether you’re spiritual bypassing.
What to do:
The solution is the same as above. Learn about spiritual bypassing and identify specifically how you bypass. Learn to own your reactions and process your emotions.
Seek the help of a therapist to go deeper and unravel the habitual patterns that are holding you back on the spiritual path.
Concluding Thoughts
Spiritual bypassing—the tendency to use spiritual ideas or practices to avoid unresolved emotional issues—might feel good at first.
But spiritual bypassing will never lead to spiritual awakening.
It’s the very emotional, mental, karmic and habitual patterns you avoid that cloud the awakened mind. The awakened state is naturally present once these obscurations are removed.
That can be done in part through meditation. But many people need to address their persistent reactions to untangle deeper emotional patterns. You may benefit from working with a therapist, especially one that understands spirituality and the process of spiritual bypassing.
While it didn’t happen in a single whoosh, I felt far more in touch with my higher self when I faced my emotional patterns and dysfunctional beliefs directly and released them one by one.
I wish the same for you.
[Photo by Polina Kovaleva on Pexels]
Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious! Don’t forget to sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self.
You might also like to check out my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always. With love, Sandra
