Mindfulness Meditation: Three Ways to Calm Your Thoughts
Do you feel overwhelmed by thoughts when you try to meditate?
All those zillion of thoughts can make you feel so frustrated. They can make you feel like a failure. They can tempt you to quit meditation before you’ve even experienced a single benefit.
I completely understand. I’ve helped hundreds of people successfully make it through this first phase of mindfulness meditation.
I won’t lie to you and say it’s a breeze.
But with the right perspective and the right techniques mixed with persistence, your thoughts will indeed calm down.
Then you’ll begin to reap the many beautiful and practical rewards of mindfulness meditation.
1. Understand the Nature of Thoughts
Many people want to meditate to get rid of thoughts. They think thoughts in meditation are “bad.” They wonder how to vanquish them once and for all.
But the purpose of meditation isn’t to banish all thoughts. That would be impossible. Just like the ocean has waves, the mind has thoughts.
If your goal is to get rid of thoughts, your meditation will be filled with tension—the opposite of the spacious, aware mind characteristic of established meditators.
The goal of mindfulness meditation is to simply be aware, whether thoughts are present or no where to be found even in the far reaches of your mind.
You can’t force thoughts to settle down. But amazingly they do so on their own and in their own time, when you’re simply aware of thoughts as they arise, pass by, and dissolve.
Through mindfulness meditation, you mind gradually makes the shift from thinking to awareness.
Naturally, this takes time because thinking has been the habitual default of your mind. Research says it can take 18–254 days to change a habit.
And at first, the volume of your thoughts can seem like the flow of an intense waterfall sliding down a steep mountainside, never interrupted for a moment.
You will, however, start to notice a gap between thoughts long before 254 days go by. At first it will be one gap here and one gap there. Gradually, the gaps will grow bigger. You’ll experience more moments when you mind feels like a vast, still ocean
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by thoughts as a beginner in meditation.
But once you know that’s the norm, you’ll be able to proceed with patience and perseverance. And once you know thoughts are not the enemy, you’ll be able to proceed with more humor and ease when they try to get your goat.
“Meditation is actually a very simple exercise in resting in the natural state of your present mind, and allowing yourself to be simply and clearly present to whatever, thoughts, sensations, and emotions occur.”—Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
2. Use an Anchor
In mindfulness meditation, an anchor is used to help you stay in the present moment. Your mind wants to be busy; using an anchor gives it something to do.
Resting your attention on an anchor, naturally allows your thoughts to settle down.
Here are three of the most commonly used anchors in mindfulness meditation, but there are others too.
Focus on the Breath: Lightly place your attention on the sensation of your breath as it enters and leaves your nostrils, as your chest rises and falls, or as your belly expands and deflates.
Place Your Attention on an Object: Gently place your attention on an object like a stone, a flower, or the sky.
Scan Your Body: Start at your toes and slowly scan up your body until you reach the top of your head. Notice any sensations that appear along the way, but don’t linger with them or create thoughts about them. A body scan meditation can take anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes.
Notice the words “lightly” and “gently” modify attention.
Your attention should have a mixed quality that contains both relaxation and alertness. If you fix your attention too tightly, you will again create tension in your mind and body. If you attention is too loose, you’ll space out or fall asleep.
Whatever anchor you use, you’ll find your mind wanders away from it now and then. Thoughts will carry you off to the past or into the future.
When you find yourself distracted, that’s a moment of awareness. So don’t chide yourself. Just bring your attention back to whatever anchor you’ve chosen to use in that session.
“A disciplined mind invites true joy.”—Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
3. Use Thoughts as an Anchor
People typically start mindfulness meditation by using simple anchors like the ones mentioned above. Once they’ve gain some stability of mind, they move on to using more complex anchors like thoughts.
But it’s up to you. You can try using thoughts first and see if you can manage it. If not, return to a simpler technique.
One method for using thoughts as an anchor is called “labeling.”
Gently place your attention on your mind itself. When a thought arises gently notice it and quietly say, “Thinking.” Then let the thought pass by. When another thought appears, you again say, “Thinking.”
Approach your thoughts with a non-judgmental attitude. Continue the sequence until it’s time to conclude the session.
The second method is to simple observe thoughts without any effort to label them. You notice them and allow them to pass through your mind without attachment.
When you look straight at thoughts like this, you’ll find they tend to dissolve rather quickly—like they’re shy and don’t want to be seen.
You’ll also notice there’s a gap between thoughts. As your mind slowly settles, you see a procession of a thought followed by a gap followed by a thought and then another gap and so on.
You can use both the thoughts and the gaps as an anchor for mindfulness.
Of course, you’ll go for a ride on a thought train now and then. As soon as you’re aware you’re thinking full steam ahead, just bring your mind back to the present moment and your natural state of awareness.
Continue to notice thoughts as they arrive and dissolve.
Gradually, over time, the gaps will become longer. You’ll also begin to sense there’s more distance between you and your thoughts—this can feel like a palpable sensation.
At this point, you’re not entirely immune to a deluge of thoughts. But you’re less likely to get drawn into thinking and can instead rest in the calm and aware aspect of your mind.
“If you don’t try to stop whatever is going on in your mind, but merely observe it, eventually you’ll begin to feel a tremendous sense of relaxation, a vast sense of openness within your mind — which is in fact your natural mind, the naturally unperturbed background against which various thoughts come and go.” — Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Some meditation teachers skip the use of anchors and tell you to simply rest in the relaxed awareness of mind or the silent, stillness of mind.
That approach can work for some people. But many individuals find this hard to do straightaway—hence, the array of anchors that can be used in the beginning stages of meditation.
Closing Thoughts
If you see thoughts as your enemy, your meditation will turn into a battle. You’ll wonder why you decided to even give mindfulness a try.
But when you understand thoughts are a natural expression of mind and shift your attention from thinking to awareness, they settle down naturally of their own accord.
Using an anchor like the breath, an object, or even thoughts themselves, can help calm your mind.
And isn’t that what you want?
[Photo by olia danilevich on pexels]
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