These Gems of Wisdom Can Calm Your Fear of Death
No one knows for certain what happens after death.
The uncertainty itself can make us feel afraid. It can even push some individuals into Thanatophobia—a fear of death so intense it can trigger panic attacks and interfere with daily functioning.
Although I’ve studied the Buddhist teachings on death and dying extensively, I sometimes still feel nervous about the moment of death and the time leading up to it.
When the fear of death occasionally overtakes me, I turn to insights from the wise. They remind me to see death as an opportunity or a portal rather than as the end.
Here are a few of my favorite passages on the topic of death and dying from Joseph Campbell, the Dalai Lama, and Mark Twain.
Wisdom from Joseph Cambell
Jospeh Campbell is well know for his explorations of comparative mytholody and comparative religion. Have you heard the phrase: “Follow your bliss?” It originated with Campbell.
Campbell has equally wise advice on how to approach death with a peaceful heart. He says:
“The problem in middle life, when the body has reached its climax of power and begins to decline, is to identify yourself, not with the body, which is falling away, but with the consciousness of which it is a vehicle. This is something I learned from myths. What am I? Am I the bulb that carries the light? Or am I the light of which the bulb is a vehicle?
One of the psychological problems in growing old is the fear of death. People resist the door of death. But this body is a vehicle of consciousness, and if you can identify with the consciousness, you can watch this body go like an old car. There goes the fender, there goes the tire, one thing after another — but it’s predictable. And then, gradually, the whole thing drops off, and consciousness, rejoins consciousness. It is no longer in this particular environment.”—Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
This body will deteriorate. Drink carrot juice, eat a healthy diet, and take all the best supplements you like. You might (or might not) extend your life a bit. But the physical body will not continue forever.
You can protest each sign of decline. Or you can use each one as a spiritual prompt to ask this most profound of questions, “Who am I?”
Are you this limited body or is there something more, something else?Campbell has come to his own conclusion after exploring the question. But what’s yours?
It won’t necessarily work to adopt Campbell’s philosophy intellectually.
Instead sit with and contemplate the question yourself. Gently ask yourself, again and again, “Who am I?” This is the only way to find your own true answer—the only one that can really bring confidence and peace when you face your final moments.
I’m quite certain I’m not this body. Most of the time, this body functions well on its own without my interference. The lungs breathe, the heart beats, and the gut digests food.
As to my mind, thoughts seem to come from nowhere and head in the same direction when they depart. Unless I consciously intervene, emotional reactions seem to happen spontaneously based on years of habitual conditioning.
But who is this “I” that intervenes? Is it a constant self or just a mind-stream with no central player in place?
It might feel scary to ask this question at first. But when you contemplate it deeply, you tune into the mystery of life. This is what will prepare you to calmly meet death when it occurs.
Wisdom from the Dalai Lama
The 14th Dalai Lama has always described himself as a simple Buddhist monk—something I’ve heard him say many times. But years of study, meditation, and contemplation set him apart from an ordinary bloke. His relaxed demeanor and infectious smile have made him a popular figure all around the world.
This is a selection of a short advice he shares on facing death from the “Foreword” to The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.
“As a Buddhist, I view death as a normal process, a reality that I accept will occur as long as I remain in this earthly existence. Knowing that I cannot escape it, I see no point in worrying about it. I tend to think of death as being like changing your clothes when they are old and worn out, rather than as some final end.”—the 14th Dalai Lama
It’s not easy to let go of worry. I know! But as the Dalai Lama suggests, worry never helps. It only kindles more fear.
When you catch yourself worrying about death, tell yourself, “Worry never helps.” Switch your mind to a positive thought like, “I’ll be fine.” Or just rest in awareness of the present moment.
Modern science has demonstrated the neuroplasticity of the mind. That means, with consistent effort, our habits of thought can be changed. So most people don’t have to remain in endless worry.
However, if you do feel stuck in extreme fear about death (or anything else), please seek the help of a therapist.
The Dalai Lama continues:
“Naturally, most of us would like to die a peaceful death, but it is also clear that we cannot hope to die peacefully if our lives have been full of violence, or if our minds have mostly been agitated by emotions like anger, attachment, or fear. So if we wish to die well, we must learn to live well: Hoping for a peaceful death, we must cultivate peace in our mind, and in our way of life.”—the 14th Dalai Lama
Isn’t it encouraging to know there’s s something you can do to increase your odds of meeting death with a peaceful mind and heart? If you live peacefully now, this will be your habit at death as well.
One of the best ways to cultivate a peaceful mind is through the practice of mindfulness meditation. According to scientific research, mindfulness reduces emotional reactivity. Thus, it can reduce emotions like anger, attachment, and fear that might otherwise interfere with a peaceful death.
Mindfulness is not an overnight fix. It takes time and dedication to cultivate mindfulness. But for many people, the benefits of becoming a more mindful person outweigh the effort involved.
Wisdom from Mark Twain
For an entirely secular point of view, let’s look to author Mark Twain, famous for his books The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
This pithy line attributed to Twain summarizes his wisdom on living and dying well:
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”—Twain
It makes sense, doesn’t it? If you’ve lived a full and meaningful life, you’d feel complete. Not only will you feel ready to go, you may even see death as another adventure.
Sadly, many people instead feel an enormous amount of regret at the end of their life. Bronnie Ware shared the five most common regrets people express on their deathbeds in her best-seller The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.
They are:
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
“I wish I had let myself be happier.”
You probably won’t have these regrets if you live the full and meaningful life recommended by Mark Twain. Plus you won’t have the time to worry about death either.
Concluding Thoughts
If you’re afraid of death, I understand. I tend to feel fearful about everything.
Studying the Buddhist teachings on death and dying helped reduce my fears by showing me what to expect. But fear of death still arises from time to time. When it does, I reach for inspiration from some of the most brilliant minds of our time.
They see death as an opportunity, a portal, and perhaps even an adventure. Reading their words calms my fear of death. I hope it helps you in the same way.
Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious! Don’t forget to sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self.
You might also like to check out my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always. With love, Sandra
