5 Habits of Deeply Spiritual People
What does it mean to be a spiritual person?
You won’t automatically qualify by going to church every Sunday, living in an ashram for endless years, or reading the top one hundred spiritual books ever written.
Indeed, the most seemingly devout can be the least spiritual of all. Spiritual materialists, for example, use spirituality to build their egos, their popularity, and even their wealth.
Spirituality begins with positive intention. But in the end, a person’s behavior is the one and only determinant of where they sit on the spectrum of spirituality.
Do they embody qualities like love, kindness, compassion, humility, tolerance, and forgiveness—at least most of the time? That’s what counts.
Once you understand the habits of deeply spiritual people, you’ll know who to emulate so you can deepen your own spirituality. And you won’t be fooled by spiritual narcissists who want to take you down the wrong path.
What sets apart deeply spiritual people? Let’s take a look.
1. They’re willing to lend a hand
Spiritual people gladly help others.
They understand what comes around goes around. They know positive actions lead to positive outcomes and negative actions lead to negative outcomes.
That may not always be obvious. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. And at times, it can seem like bad people have it all.
But in the end, despite appearances, great spiritual teachers have told us time and again that karma cannot be escaped.
However, deeply spiritual people aren’t just doing good to get the reward. Nor are they acting out of fear of ending up in the wrong place.
They simply have a beautiful heart, often developed over many years of practice.
They would never hurt others. Hurting others has become akin to hurting themselves.
At the same time, spiritual people aren’t doormats.
They understand the need for healthy boundaries. They know they can’t do everything. They use their discrimination to make choices that will have the greatest impact.
But their boundaries aren’t as restrictive as the average person. Because their willingness to help is rooted in the understanding that we’re all connected, we all suffer, and good acts lead to the best outcome for all.
How to apply this:
Modern society has conditioned us to think of ourselves first and foremost. Most people think of getting ahead far more than they think of helping someone else get ahead.
So, start with small acts of kindness. Give a compliment, open the door for another person, give your change to the homeless man sitting on the concrete.
Then expand your capacity a bit more by engaging in an act of kindness that feels a little harder for you.
Once you understand the spiritual principles behind giving and enjoy the warm feelings that ensue, generosity will become second nature to you.
“Do not take lightly small misdeeds,
Believing they can do no harm:
Even a tiny spark of fire
Can set alight a mountain of hay.”
Do not take lightly small good deeds,
Believing they can hardly help:
For drops of water one by one
In time can fill a giant pot.”
—the Sutra of the Wise and Foolish
2. They take things in stride
Deeply spiritual people understand impermanence. They don’t expect happy times to last forever. And, they don’t become overly distressed when bad circumstances come their way.
They see challenges as opportunities to learn, grow, and further deepen their spiritual inclinations.
Whatever happens, they take it in stride.
In the same way, if someone praises them, they don’t let it go to their head. If someone criticizes them, they don’t feel devastated. If the criticism holds truth, they try to do better. If the criticism stems from another person’s envy, low self-esteem, or mean-spiritedness, they don’t take it to heart.
Deeply spiritual people possess equanimity. This evenness of mind remains even when they’re under stress.
This doesn’t mean they let seriously harmful acts slide. They speak up when it’s appropriate to do so, but always with compassion in their hearts.
How to apply this:
Make a commitment to be mindful of your own reactions in any given situation. Notice if you fly off the handle at every little thing.
But don’t judge yourself.
Instead, ask yourself questions like, “How much does this really matter? Is it really worth this degree of upset?” Take a moment to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and feel empathy for them.
When a challenge or an unwanted change occurs, you don’t have to let out a “whoopee.” Just remind yourself that everything is impermanent. This too will pass.
“This existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds.
To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movement of a dance.
A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky.
Rushing by, like a torrent down a steep mountain.”
—the Buddha
3. They don’t hold a grudge
When harmed, a deeply spiritual person doesn’t respond in kind or hold a grudge, waiting for the right moment to attack the offender
They understand most people act on strongly encoded patterned behavior stemming from childhood wounds, family conditioning, or societal pressures. Although the harmful person is responsible for his behavior and will eventually reap the consequences, in a very real sense, he can’t help himself.
Unless a person has committed to leading a mindful life dedicated to positive actions, they’ll continue to act out of patterns that bring suffering to themselves and others.
A person who harms you needs your love, compassion, and tolerance, not your retribution. Retribution only continues the cycle of violence.
You never feel good when you hold ill-will. You’re filled with bitterness and resentment. Holding a grudge can be detrimental to your mental health and harm you more than the person you’re mad at.
How to apply this:
For most of us, it’s not easy to let go after being harmed. Depending on the situation, it can take time to work through our own emotions surrounding the hurt.
This is always best done with a friend, a therapist, or even through journaling about our feelings rather than acting out in aggression.
Try to remember that holding onto a grudge harms you. Remember, people are acting out of conditioned behavior. Their actions are often more about themselves than they are about you.
If you find it difficult to let go of ill-will, make an aspiration to be able to do so in the future. This has always helped get closer to forgiveness.
“An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.”—Gandhi
4. They’re self-aware
Real spirituality isn’t about achieving a blank mind, multicolor visions, or ecstatic experiences. As the Buddhist master, Dudjom Rinpoche once wrote:
“Experiences are like mist, they will vanish.”
Instead of running after extraordinary experiences, deeply spiritual people strive to be aware in every moment. Self-awareness is the only way to avoid negative actions of body, speech, and mind.
Mindfulness can reduce stress, increase focus, and improve working memory. But on a more profound level, its true purpose is to help us adopt positive actions and abandon negative ones.
Thoughts and emotions precede behavior.
So, be constantly aware of the kinds of emotions arising in your mind. Emotions like anger, craving, ambition, pride or jealousy can easily lead to negative words or actions that will bring about suffering for yourself and others.
But don’t judge yourself if negative thoughts or emotions arise. Instead, learn to let them pass by. Most importantly, refrain from acting upon them.
How to apply this:
Every morning, make an aspiration to be conscious of your thoughts and emotions and to refrain from negative actions.
Every evening, review your day. Celebrate any positive actions and make an intention to engage in more good acts the next day. Note any negative actions and without judging yourself, make a vow not to repeat them the next day.
Learn mindfulness meditation. Take a course and commit to practicing mindfulness meditation 10–30 minutes each day. The mindfulness you cultivate in formal sessions will naturally spill over into your day.
“Mindfulness meditation should be more than just watching what you are doing. What you really need to watch is your motivation.” — Thubten Zopa Rinpoche
5. They see the divine in everyone
Deeply spiritual people see the divine in everyone. They see people’s spiritual essence behind their personalities. They don’t judge people by their past.
Milarepa is considered one of Tibet’s greatest saints. But early in his life he killed many people in revenge for cheating him and his mother out of their inheritance.
Later, feeling remorse for his negative actions, he found a spiritual teacher, and followed his instructions. He meditated with fierce determination for years and years, living on nettles part of that time. Eventually, Milarepa became a teacher in his own right and one of the most revered spiritual masters in Tibet.
Even a murderer can become a saint.
We tend to pigeonhole people with our concepts, judgements, and criticisms. Wouldn’t we feel much lighter if we began to see the divine in everyone?
This doesn’t mean we should be naive and allow people to take advantage of us. Having a clear mind allows us to see danger too. Nevertheless, focus on the positive qualities in people rather than the negative. And be aware that people can radically change even when least expected.
“If you don’t find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further.”—Mahatma Gandhi
How to apply this:
Every time you meet someone, let go of any pre-conceived notions and just be with them in the present moment. Experience how they are now rather than how you believe they will be.
Focus on a person’s positive qualities rather than what you perceive as negative ones.
Final Thoughts
On rare occasions, a deeply spiritual person is born. But most deeply spiritual people became so through a conscious decision followed by years of dedicated practice.
At some point, they decided to adopt positive actions and refrain from negative ones. Even though they messed up again and again because conditioning runs deep, they kept going until doing good became their automatic response, whatever the situation.
If you want to deepen spiritually, emulate their positive habits beginning with these five.
Lend a hand
Take things in stride
Don’t hold a grudge
Become more self-aware
See the divine in everyone
Of course, there’s more to spirituality than these five habits. But start with these and you’ll be off to an excellent start.
[Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels]
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