So many of our problems stem from making a distinction between friends and enemies.
Relationships fall apart when we feel betrayed by a good friend, who now suddenly becomes an enemy. Untold hours are spent plotting how to conquer, cope with, or avoid an enemy. The world is torn by wars due to the concept of friend and enemy.
Yet another line is drawn in the sand when a select few are considered our "loved" ones. Our full-on love is reserved for this special inner circle. Everyone else is second best.
Why is this so?
What would happen if the idea of "special ones" turned out to be a delusion? What if our beloved ones were actually devils in disguise?
Are you open to looking at the idea of friends and enemies, loved ones and second best from a different angle in order to stir up a bigger pot of love?
It's All About Karmic Debts
According to the Buddhist view, our "loved ones" appear in our life due to "karmic" debts.
"At present, we are closely linked with our parents and our children. We feel great affection for them and have incredible aspirations for them. When they suffer, or anything undesirable happens to them, we are more upset than we would be if such things had happened to us personally. All this is simply the repayment of debts for the harm we have done each other in past lives."
-from The Words of My Perfect Teacher by Patrul Rinpoche
The strong attraction and affection we feel for a few is not limited to parents and children. It also extends to partners and other members of our closest circle.
This is the big cosmic joke: the person you love the most in this moment, may be someone you despised in the past. And, they may become your worst enemy in the future.
It's an endless cycle of attachment and aversion that eventually causes suffering for everyone involved.
When you take a moment to investigate, the notion of friend and enemy, loved ones and second best, has no reliability whatsoever. Even if you don't believe in past lives, you can easily see in this life how someone's greatest love becomes their worst enemy in a divorce. You can observe how children turn against their parents. You can see how someone you initially dislike ends up being a close friend.
Reflection: Why Do You Love Only Your Love?
The reflection this week involves taking a moment to consider why we reserve our love for our "loved ones" alone? Is there any logic to it? Love is often based on a magnetic attraction. Where does that come from? What does it really mean? When the attraction ends, why does our love stop?
Instead of this endless dance of attraction and aversion, what if we loved everyone equally?
Here's a quotation to stimulate your thinking.
"…there is no guarantee that those we consider adversaries today will not be our children in future ives, or that our present friends will not be reborn as our enemies, and so on. It is only because we take these fleeting perceptions of "friend" and "enemy" as real that we accumulate negative actions through attachment and hatred. Why do we hold onto this millstone which will drag up down…?
-from The Words of My Perfect Teacher by Patrul Rinpoche
The solution isn't to stop loving your loved ones with all your heart. The solution is to love everyone equally. The answer is to cultivate boundless love. Boundless love has the power to heal you and all those around you. Boundless love has the power to heal and transform the entire world.
What's the magic formula for growing boundless love?
Growing our love involves a gradual step-by-step training. You begin by consciously expressing your love to your special ones. Often, we neglect this too. Then you extend your love a little further to friends and acquaintances. Then you widen the circle to include those to whom you feel neutral. Eventually, you extend it to those who annoy and irritate you. Eventually, you extend it even to those who stimulate anger and hatred within you. Ultimately, you extended boundless love to the whole world.
Through this practice you can make the whole world your Valentine.
What do you think? Why do we reserve our love for our loved ones alone?
Image: ©Susan Alexander, Inspired Type
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