A Magical Recipe for the Supreme Emotion

by
Dalai Lama

Dalai Lama

Imagine the most sublime emotion possible.  What would that be?

Here’s the magical recipe.  Take one part each:

*love
*affection
*kindness
*compassion
*gentleness
*generosity of spirit
*warm-heartedness
*sympathy
*endearment

Blend, shake, mix, rock n’roll.

What do you get? 

Nying je.

Nying je?  What’s that?

It’s a Tibetan word usually translated as ‘compassion.’  But, it contains far more meaning, as the Dalai Lama explains:

” [Nying je] has a wealth of meaning that is difficult to convey succinctly, though the ideas it conveys are universally understood.  It connotes love, affection, kindness, gentleness, generosity of spirit, and warm-heartedness.  It is also used as a term of both sympathy and of endearment.  On the other hand, it does not imply “pity” as the word compassion may.  On the contrary nying je denotes a feeling of connection with others, reflecting its origin in empathy.

“…It is both the source and the result of patience, tolerance, forgiveness, and all good qualities.”

My heart lit up when I discovered this amazing word.  It gathers together so many wondrous qualities that we all wish for at our very core.  It also expresses the inescapable sense of interconnection that exists among all that is alive.

Empathy + Reason = Compassion

Nying je – we’ll say compassion for short, arises from empathy.

The Dalai Lama believes that empathy is a universal quality within all of us.  He describes it as  “the inability to bear the sight of another’s suffering.”   It is one of our most important characteristics because it allows us to connect with and enter into another’s pain.

This sense of empathy may be deeply submerged in some individuals, but the basic predisposition is never fully erased.  Our basic nature is to be empathetic and, from this empathy, compassion arises. We all share a capacity for loving-kindness and we all need loving-kindness to thrive.

Although it’s not our fundamental nature, we also have the capacity for negative emotions and actions.  This is why we need to actively cultivate positive qualities – to override our negative emotions and resulting negative actions.  Those pesky difficult emotions which have come habitual.

This is the good news. Compassion belongs to the category of emotions that have a more developed cognitive component as opposed to those that are instinctual. Compassion is a combination of empathy and reason.  Thus it is far different than emotions like anger and lust, which only bring us trouble.

We can use our natural empathy as a starting point and employ reason to grow our love and compassion.  We can win out over negativity through regular practice of all the marvelous qualities that make up compassion.

In fact, the more we give birth to kindness and compassion, the more ethical our behavior becomes.  Not only that, we ourselves experience more happiness and inner peace and less suffering too.

Actively practicing compassion breaks down our habitual preoccupation with self, which typically brings us suffering.  Compassion also brings a sense of inner peace within our own hearts that radiates peace to everyone around us.  Sounds good, doesn’t it?

The Dalai Lama ask us,

“Could anything be more sublime than that which brings happiness and peace to all?”

Compassion – with its full spectrum of life-enhancing qualities – is the supreme emotion.  It is the most powerful means to bring about inner and outer harmony throughout the world.

An Appeal from the Dalai Lama to You

This is Part 5 of my series A Simple Guide to Inner and Outer Harmony based on Ethics for a New Millennium by the Dalai Lama.  The Dalai Lama concludes with this appeal:

“Therefore, with my two hands jointed, I appeal to you the reader to ensure that you make the rest of your life as meaningful as possible. Do this by engaging in spiritual practice if you can.  As I hope I have made clear, there is nothing mysterious about this.  It consists in nothing more than acting our of concern for others.  And provided you undertake this practice sincerely and with persistence, little by little, step by step you will gradually be able to reorder your habits and attitudes so that you  think less about your own narrow concerns and more of others’.  In doing so you will find that your enjoy peace and happiness yourself.

Compassion is the magic that will bring about your own happiness and the happiness of the world!  Please share the secret.  Please be the secret.

What are your thoughts on the empathy, reason, and compassion?  Do you think compassion is the supreme emotion?

A Simple Guide to Inner and Outer Harmony

In this 5-Part Series, we’ve taken a journey through the first five chapters of Ethics for a New Millennium.  Here are the key points that we’ve covered:

  • The vast majority of the problems in the world today are man-made.
  • Only a spiritual revolution can fully change the world. We need to take practical action too, but without a spiritual revolution, there is no hope.
  • By “spiritual revolution” the Dalai Lama means the rekindling of basic human values like kindness, compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness among others. These qualities of the human spirit need not be linked to religion. They can be cultivated by one and all.
  • We all wish to be happy and we all wish to avoid suffering.
  • It’s simply the nature of reality that we are all inextricably interconnected. Due to this interconnectedness, helping others ultimately helps you whereas harming others, harms you.
  • True abiding happiness does not come about from possessions or sensory experiences.  In fact, the transitory happiness that comes from possessions or sensory experiences only leads to more suffering.
  • True happiness arises from inner peace.  It is a stable sense of serenity, calm, and contentment that does not depend on external factors or circumstances.
  • We can alter our attitude and our actions to cultivate a greater sense of inner peace.
  • Altruism is an essential component to those actions which lead to genuine happiness.
  • Actions inspired by the wish to help others are the most effective way to bring about lasting happiness.
  • Love and compassion – which also encompasses affection, kindness, compassion, gentleness, generosity of spirit, warm-heartedness, sympathy, and endearment – arises from empathy.
  • Empathy – the inability to bear the sight of another’s suffering – is a universal emotion.
  • Compassion belongs to the category of emotions with a developed cognitive component.  Therefore, we can use reason to grown our compassion.
  • Compassion brings about happiness for all.  For this reason, it is the supreme emotion.

Please consider reading this remarkable book yourself.  These are the topics covered in the remaining two sections of the book.

  • The Ethic of Restraint
  • The Ethic of Virtue
  • The Ethic of Compassion
  • Ethics and Suffering
  • The Need for Discernment
  • Universal Responsibility
  • Levels of Commitment
  • Ethics in Society
  • Peace and Disarmament
  • The Role of Religion in Modern Society
  • An Appeal

Thank you for reading and being a part of this wonderful journey into the heart of compassion.  If you haven’t done so already, I hope you will enjoy the other articles in this series – A Simple Guide to Inner and Outer Harmony – based on Ethics for a New Millennium by the Dalai Lama.

Image of the Dalai Lama from his Facebook Page.

Please let your friends know about this article by using the share buttons below.  Every share helps me reach out to others.  Thanks so much for your support!  Sandra

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35 thoughts on “A Magical Recipe for the Supreme Emotion”

  1. Compassion = “the inability to bear the sight of another’s suffering.”
    Very well said.
    I love this series Sandra, thank you so much for the inspiration!

  2. Hi Sandra,

    Thanks for sharing your insightful take on the magical recipe.

    I feel compassion is a supreme emotion. I fully believe much of the world’s suffering stems from inward thinking. When showing compassion you instantly move into another person’s shoes. Feeling your pain disarms you and nonresistance creates peace and happiness.

    As you note persistence is the key word here. To be compassionate, empathetic and reasonable one must practice cultivating these emotions from moment to moment. Running up against resistance of real world experiences offers us more than 1 opportunity to remain vigilant in fostering the positive emotions :)

    Have a powerful day!

    RB

    • Very beautiful said, Ryan! I appreciate your emphasis on practicing these positive emotions from moment to moment and the way you highlight how challenges can enrich our practice. Thank you for sharing your insights.

  3. Fantastic series Sandra. I have really enjoyed reading each installment and I especially like today’s “recipe.”

    Nying je is both a tremendous phrase and way of life – one I will try to follow each day.

    Alex

  4. Thank you for your appreciative words, Alex. The series has been a learning and development process for me. I feel a positive sense of accomplishment having completed it and I hope others will continue to benefit from it. So glad you enjoyed reading each installment! That makes my heart happy.

  5. Compassion can be used in many ways. As a friend of mine said after having a disagreement with an other person; You have to look at the other person with the eyes of compassion.

  6. Hi Sandra,
    Thanks for sharing another wonderful post! I think compassion is an emotion that is on a higher level. It is not the same as feeling sorry for someone, or taking pity on them. True compassion can only be experienced when there is true empathy for the other person. When we do not pause to think how this feeling affects us. Compassion is complete unselfishness. Thanks Sandra!

    Dandy

    • Hi Dandy,

      What a nice description of compassion in its greatest sense. Being unselfish is definitely a quality of true compassion, isn’t it! That’s why I like the way that the word “nying je” implies connection. When you feel pity there can still be a sense of separation. Thanks for your clarity. I’m happy you liked the article!

  7. Is it possible to look at a picture of the Dalai Lama smiling or laughing, and not smile or laugh along with him? I don’t think so.

    Thank you for these inspiring articles.

  8. Darling Sandra,
    This is just Divine guidance right here! There is so much love nad truth in this article and in the beautiful words of the Dalai Lama.
    I am truly loving this series.
    I like how you instantly connected with the word Nying je. We are usually attracted to that which we already possess. Hence this beautiful quality is right there in you! Amazing!
    Love you lots,
    Z~

    • Dearest One!

      You are so amazingly positive. It’s so sweet for you to imagine this quality is already in me. It’s true – it’s in all of us and we can grow it to be bigger and bigger and bigger and even vast and immeasurable. You are so much fun. Thanks for shining some light on my blog today.

      • What a wonderful word!!

        Also, I strongly agree with Zeenat. This is SO you. It is one of the qualities I noticed right away on your blog. The thing that captivated me about your blog from the start, more than anything else, was the way you responded to all the various beliefs and thoughts. I don’t remember the first post I read, but I remember there was a myriad of beliefs and contrasting ideas, etc. And you just lovingly embraced each person. It was beautiful. Hugs, Robin

  9. Sandra,

    I did not know the word Nying je, and it is good to know. I feel compassion is very important part of being a human and somehow many of us are losing touch with it in fast paced world. I wrote a while ago, 13 ways to be compassion while ago, as I think we need to start feeling for not only people we know, but also for people, animal, other living being that we do not know.

    I know a monk once, he talked about being compassionate towards a fly who bit him, now that is amazing teaching!

    Thanks for sharing it.

    Preeti

    • Preeti,

      That is an amazing story of the monk and the fly. If we all only had such compassion! I’m so glad you wrote about compassion. I would love to pop over and read your article. Thank you for sharing this inspiring story.

  11. The fact that the vast majority of problems are man made and that we have the ability to change our attitude to create inner and outer peace is what I needed to hear today. You really have put so much energy, thought and time into your post. It shows and I appreciate it. Thanks.

    • It’s nice to hear that! I’m happy it clicked for you. Thanks for acknowledging the thought and time I put into the post. When I finished the series it felt like a major accomplishment. It did take a lot of time but has been more than worth it.

  12. “the inability to bear the sight of another’s suffering”
    I had to learn how to step back from the suffering of others and not make it my own. My first job as a therapist was with addicts and prisoners. Their stories were horrific and I had to establish a ritual when I stepped in my home at the end of the day so I didn’t “take them in.”

    When I take on another’s suffering I’m no good to anyone. When I’m aware of it and learn to be the change, I’m doing my part.

    “only a spiritual revolution can save the world”
    And to think that’s it? That’s all we need to do? If everyone would take this too heart we could do it within the year.

    I don’t think everyone is capable of compassion. There are personality disorders that prevent people from having empathy. This is how so many end up in the criminal system. That and not having the medication they need. I think 75% could live free if they had it.

    Because of this, I think the rest of us capable humans have to go the “extra spiritual mile” to carry the people who are incapable. (I just coined that phrase…love it) It would be good to hear your thoughts on this. xo

    • Hi Tess,

      These are all really good points. By saying “the inability to bear the sight of another’s suffering”, I don’t think the Dalai Lama necessarily means taking on someone’s suffering and letting it overwhelm you. I believe he’s referring to the natural, organic reaction we have when we see suffering. The kind of response that naturally occurs when we are moved to help by widespread suffering that occurs in natural disasters for example. Clearly, the Dalai Lama has experienced and witnessed great suffering in his life, but he is not burdened and worn down by it.

      The whole question of “taking on someone’s suffering” is a complex discussion. We are all at different levels of the spiritual path. We should always work within our capacity, while aspiring to expand it gradually over time. I’ve read a story of a great spiritual master that actually was bruised when someone threw a stone at a dog because he took on the suffering. Great spiritual masters have realized emptiness, so their capacity is far different and greater than the average person. But then you also see many incidents of the “average” person that will dive into the ocean to save someone who is drowning or put themselves in harm’s way in one way or the other to help others.

      I appreciate your story of working in the prison. I agree that letting someone’s suffering overwhelming you doesn’t help at all.

      In Buddhism, there is the practice of Tonglen (giving and receiving on the breath) where you breath in the mental and physical sufferings of others and breath out happiness, well being, peace, and so on. This helps to destroy your own ego and self-cherishing. Here it’s important to have some understanding of emptiness as well. With any spiritual practice, it works best if you have a healthy sense of self. There’s always the danger to use any spiritual practice to amplify your neurosis.

      Just to be clear abt the spiritual revolution – the Dalai Lama doesn’t say ONLY a spiritual revolution, we need to do practical things too. But without a spiritual revolution there is no hope because this addresses the root problems.

      You said – “I don’t think everyone is capable of compassion. There are personality disorders that prevent people from having empathy.” That might indeed be true. I don’t really know, I’m not a psychotherapist. The Dalai Lama believes that everyone has the capacity for empathy but that it’s deeply submerged in some individuals. He would be the first to admit though that he’s not an expert in psychology.

      So like I said, you may be very well be right. I don’t know myself, but I don’t think this is the most crucial issue because we are speaking of only a small segment of the population. The main point is that most of us naturally feel empathy and we can grow this empathy into compassion. I think your conclusion about individuals who may not be able to feel empathy is the best way to look at this:

      “Because of this, I think the rest of us capable humans have to go the “extra spiritual mile” to carry the people who are incapable. (I just coined that phrase…love it).”

      Yes, totally love your new phrase…the “extra spiritual mile.”

      You also raised interesting points. I really appreciate it so much. Thanks for your comment.

      • Wow!! SANDRA & TESS: What a beautiful discourse and exploration. Oh to be in a room with both of you sharing thoughts, ideas and insights….just to explore, would be amazing. I really love the thing you said about emptiness Sandra, It brought tears to my eyes. I am currently writing about that in my second book. There is an final letting go, a release, and an infinite vastness when we lose everything and fall into emptiness. It is the place where we find ourselves, our greatest peace, and the divine. It alters us irrevocably, forever, and we never see the world with the same eyes.

        I love this: “…everyone has the capacity for empathy but that it’s deeply submerged in some individuals…” Someone was just asking me the other day why I bothered to look for the “tiny dot of compassion or love” in people when it is almost buried or none existent. I never really thought about it before, but I realized that (other than being aware of bodily danger – if someone might harm me) I really don’t see the rest. My body, spirit and soul looks for the spark of compassion and wants to speak to. I want to gravitate toward the spark which I believe is in most of us. Something I learned through a very wounded/lost friend (whom I did this with), was that often the “spark” is buried because no one has ever spoken to it. No one has seen it and fanned it to life. (This person told me this as they came to life.) Once the spark is fanned most people will start to gravitate toward that spark in themselves, simply because it feels good, there is peace there.

        I also loved: “it’s not only a spiritual revolution”. In myself, I feel it is all of it. I do the spiritual, awareness-making growth, and I also do what I can to help and change the “physical” world I live in. Why? Because for me it is ALL made of the same energetic fabric whether it’s what we call “physical”, or what we see as spiritual. I experience it all as the same “stuff”, the same “Supreme Being”. It is all held within the hands of Love. And yes, this can be very hard to embrace when people are raped, killed, abused, tortured, and so on…but dear Sandra I still have to try to focus on love, just as the Divine has always embraced me with love. It is what brings peace, love and compassion into my own heart. I have to always look for the spark. We can still set boundaries, as they are often an expression of love as well.

        I often think of that Hawaiian healer who healed all those “criminally insane” people and never met any of them face to face. But every day he focused on something like this: “I love you. Please forgive me. I am sorry.. Thank you.” I think we’re only scratching the surface when it comes to healing not only ourselves, but those around us and the world. I have great hope in my life for healing. Healing is a state of being akin to love and compassion. Bless you for the beauty and wisdom you share here. I am deeply moved today. Love, Robin

        • Dearest Robin,

          This is such a moving comment. If you went around and collected all the amazing comments you have made, you would have a new book in itself! And a very inspiring one indeed.

          Your story of finding the “tiny dot of compassion or love” in your lost friend amazes me. I really aspire to be like this one day. To really be able to see the divine in others, to have pure vision as you clearly do.

          It’s also fascinating to read about how you don’t separate the “physical and material.” I’ve always read how the absolute and relative go hand in hand and you are really showing us how that is the truth. Like two wings of the bird.

          Thank you for blessing me with you wisdom, grace, and profound compassion and visiting my blog today. All my love to you.

        • Oh my dear friend. I cried reading your words here. You have no idea how many of my posts have been inspired by you. How much you have drawn forth from me that I rarely express, but simply just live. Until I started blogging I didn’t even know that people put what they live into concepts. I lived so long out of society.

          You give me a beautiful, rare gift, the opportunity to express my deepest heart. Something about you Sandra, just brings it out of me. And then, to be seen by you forges a deeply beautiful connection. I’ve lived with myself a long long time and rarely even think about who I am. I just live with my heart. You are helping me to express who I am (with words). It helps me out here in the “world of words” because I am better able to conceptualize who I am, which is useful if I am going to write. It’s just amazing to see myself through your eyes and wisdom. It helps me find (and walk) my truest path. Thank you for walking with me and letting me walk with you. Much love, Robin

          PS You don’t need to reply to this one. I just had to come back and hug you and thank you so much.

  13. This is such an awesome series, Sandra. The DL’s wisdom is so vast, uplifting and inspiring. And I really dig these two new additions to my spiritual vocabulary:

    -Nying je
    -Going the extra spiritual mile (thanks, Tess)

  14. Your writing touches my heart. This series speaks to me on such a deep level and now I have my own computer back I will be making the time to savor the articles in it. Thank so much for being in my life.
    Love and peace,
    TiTi

  16. Empathy is powerful. It’s a key leadership trait.

    I’m always a fan of learning words that have interesting meaning or connotations. For example, one of my favorite words is wabi-sabi (embrace the imperfection.)

    • It’s interesting to hear that you consider empathy a key leadership trait. It would be wonderful if that perspective would be ignited far and wide.

      Thanks for adding “wabi-sabi” to my vocabulary! I’m a fan of interesting words too.

  17. Hi Sandra. Maybe this will help us restore gender balance within our society. If we can feel compassion and loving kindness for those of the opposite sex it will help a whole lot. My hope it that the more people look at what we have in common as opposed to what makes us different we will be a better species.

    As a special note from the vantage point I have. Many of our disabled brothers and sisters are simply thrown away or worse yet made helpless because the people around them confuse loving kindness with merciless pity.

    Have a wonderful day.

    • Gary,

      I really like the idea of looking at what we have in common instead of focusing on difference. Thanks for bring up that point.

      Abled or disabled we all have incredible potential. No one should ever be thrown away or made helpful. As always, I appreciate the light you shine on the challenges of the disabled.

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