Peaceful, calm, relaxed, and free of worry. 

These are some of the popularized meanings of “zen.”

In modern times, zen can also mean activities that emphasize simplicity and intuition from better habits to decluttering.

The true meaning of Zen is far more than relaxation. But in these crazy, busy times, we humans need peace, don’t we?

So, let’s stick with the popularized definition of zen for today, and look at a few ways you can get a little more calm into your life. 

Don’t tell anyone, but I’ll sneak in a bit of real Zen along the way.

 1. Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Bobby McFerrin’s hit song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” got it right:

“In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double”

You can’t command your mind to stop worrying. But you can make it a practice to catch worry and turn it around.

When it comes to worry, the Dalai Lama has said, again and again:

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

Train yourself to be solution focused instead of worry focused. Tell yourself there is no benefit to worry at all. Remind yourself that worry has negative consequences.

According to WebMD, excessive worry can trigger the body’s stress response. On the short term, this can cause a large number of symptoms from dizziness to nausea to an inability to concentrate. 

On the long run, chronic stress that results from too much worry can contribute to:

• Depression of the immune system

• Digestive problems

• Muscle tension

• Short-term memory problems

• Coronary artery disease

• Depression

Too much worry is not good for our health, right? So, do what you can to turn it around.

One proven way to reduce worry is to schedule time for rumination. According to a study done at Penn University, subjects who schedule time for worry showed a significant reduction in anxiety.

Set aside thirty minutes a day for worrying. During that time, think about your worries and, if you wish, write them down. When worries come up during the day, tell yourself you’ll worry about them during your designated time. 

Studies indicate it takes about two weeks for this practice to bring relief.

A Zen antidote would be to bring your mind back to the present moment. Keep your senses wide open, and your attention on the task at hand or whatever is happening in the here and now.

Worry has less of a chance to stick if you remain in the present.

2. Stop Being So Self-Absorbed

A therapist once told me, “It’s not all about you, Sandra.” 

It felt like an assault. And indeed, I never saw that therapist again. 

But eventually, I realized there’s truth in what he said. It’s not just me. Most of us are self-absorbed. 

We constantly think about how we feel or think, what we want, and how to avoid problems in life.

If we place more focus on others, we’re not necessarily saints. We may please in order to be liked. We may adapt to receive the attention, acknowledgement, and affection we feel we missed out in life so far.

We may appear altruistic, but in reality, we’re still focused on “me.”

Thinking too much about yourself can take you on an endless roller coaster ride. One moment, your car peaks and you’re throwing your hands up in glee. The next moment it rushes downward into disappointment.

Life is much more chill when we’re less involved in this cycle of attachment and aversion and an attempt to control every outcome.

Not to mention, a Zen master would say there is no self. 

The self is just an idea we construct with our thoughts. Where is this self you fixate on so much? Are you the same self you were as a child? Will you be the self you are now in a decade?

In reality, you’re simply the observer of internal and external events as experience rushes past. You can latch onto thoughts and emotions and make more or you can let them go by.

Once you know this, really know this, you’re able to drop the emotional drama and be here now.

3. Embrace Impermanence

I know! It can be so difficult to accept unwanted change. I’ve sometimes fought against it with every ounce of my being. 

Still, when the unexpected comes to visit, I might tremble non-stop, but I tell myself, “Everything is impermanent. How could I have expected this situation to be otherwise?”

This doesn’t miraculously remove all the pain, but it softens the blow. Use your knowledge of impermanence to soothe and reassure yourself. You’re not alone. You share the pain of change with everyone in this world.

But you’ll be okay. You’ve managed before. You’ll manage again.

The other night I had a dream. I sat in front of a spiritual teacher who told me:

Change comes on the backs of butterflies.

As he said those words, a stream of colorful butterflies flew through the room. I felt a sense of release and freedom, both in the dream and when I woke up.

But soon thereafter, upon learning of a new change, I struggled once again to let go. 

This is part of being human, isn’t it?

The Yoga Sutras calls this “Abhinivesha” — the ingrained desire for continuity, which they say is firmly established even in wise ones.

So, I won’t pretend letting go is easy.

But I like the step-by-step process of letting go embodied in Ajahn Chah’s quote below. Once we let go a little, we have a little happiness. We can use the sense of release we feel to fuel more letting go and them a little more, until we’re completely free.

I haven’t nailed letting go, but I’ve progressed a bit. And I’ll keep that stream of butterflies in my mind to remind me to let go a little more. 

Letting go is truly the path to greater peace.

“If you let go a little you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness. If you let go completely you will be free.”—Ajahn Chah

4. Sit Still

You don’t have to be a Zen master to sit still.

You can just come home after a hard day’s work and sit still for a while on the front porch as daytime evolves into twilight.

I know there’s food to cook and a million chores to do. But stillness is food too, a highly nourishing one.

It’s said mindfulness meditation can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It can bring more calm, clarity, and concentration.

But you don’t have to take a mindfulness course or become an advanced meditator

Meditation starts with simply sitting still.

If you can’t sit on the porch after work, find other five or ten-minute pockets of time when you can. Keep your senses wide open and be present to whatever surrounds you. When your mind wanders to the past or present bring it back to the present moment.

Your mind may seem ridiculously busy at first. But with time, regularity and patience, it will learn to settle down.

And that will definitely make your life more zen.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”—Blaise Pascal

5. Declutter

If all this talk of a sitting still, impermanent no-self is too abstract for you, start with decluttering your stuff. 

Anyone can gain more calm by cleaning up and clearing out.

Research has shown:

• A cluttered bedroom can contribute to sleep problems

• A cluttered home can lead to less desirable snacking habits

• A cleaner home is linked to better health

Clutter has a way of weighing on the mind that you don’t necessarily recognize until the excess stuff is gone and you can finally breathe again. 

But we’re all different. No one can tell you how much you should declutter or the best way to approach it.

Some people enjoy a cozy, filled up space. Some desire zen-like aestheticism. But no one needs excess stuff.

If your closets are brimming and your drawers barely close, decide to take the decluttering plunge. But go at your own speed. 

Consider these three different approaches:

• Use the slow and steady approach. Commit to clearing the equivalent of one large trash bag of items each week. Or declutter one cabinet, one closet, or one set of drawers each week.

• Declutter in a burst by clearing 50–100 items in an hour from one or more locations in your house.

• Go full Marie Kondo and declutter an entire category at a time—for example, all your clothes, all your office supplies, or all your books.

You’ll definitely feel more relaxed when you don’t have so much stuff to worry about.

Closing Thoughts

Almost everyone says they want more inner peace. But ironically, they do all they can to create non-stop, chaotic lives.

If you’d like to get a little more zen into your life, it’s not all that difficult. But you have to make a choice and a commitment to new habits.

I’ve suggested five ways to zen up your life:

1. Say no to worry

2. Stop being so self-absorbed

3. Embrace impermanence

4. Sit still

5. Declutter

Start with one brick, then add another. Slowly, slowly, pave your way to more zen.

[Image by Dziana Hasanbekava]

Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious!  Don’t forget to  sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self. 

You might also like to check out my  Living with Ease course or visit my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always.  With love, Sandra