Updated: November 7, 2021

Life is about learning. We all have life lessons to learn.

But wouldn’t it be nice if we could expedite the process and get to the core? You can do so by embracing the inescapable truths of existence.

Ignore, deny, or fight them if you wish. It will only waste your precious time because reality always wins.

Why not preserve your energy for the individual lessons truly meant for you?

Here are five indisputable truths I’ve learned to never resist.

1. You Can’t Depend On Anything External

Almost all of us seek security. We want our partners, our family, and our friends to be reliable. We want our job, our home, and our finances to be secure. We want a happy ending to arrive and remain for the rest of our lives.

But, as the Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön once famously pointed out, things tend to come together, fall apart, come together again, fall apart again.

Amazingly, we’re taken by surprise each time they fall apart even though it’s already happened to us again and again.

In 2018, I lost my home, land, and possessions during the three-month lava eruption on the Big Island of Hawaii. As luck would have it, other significant losses occurred simultaneously.

Initially I felt shocked. I resisted. I cried. I screamed. But I also found my strength, my clarity, and my power far sooner than in the past.

Why? Because over the years, I’ve slowly embraced the truth of impermanence. I remind myself of it every day.

My life is relatively stable at the moment. But a recent 6.2 earthquake reminded me externals can and often do change in a flash.

Sometimes radical events like the pandemic pull the rug out from under your feet. Other times, personal events conspire against you: a job termination, a car accident, or a personal betrayal. And sometimes, several come together to pack the biggest wallop of all.

Appreciate the externals, but don’t depend on them for your happiness. Don’t naively think the good times will last forever, and then feel devastated when they don’t.

Instead, cultivate your confidence, strength of character, and connection to your truest self every single day—even when the sky is blue, the flowers are blooming, and the bliss seems like it will never end.

Because things will inevitably change. If you deeply accept the truth of impermanence, whatever happens externally, your inner strength, confidence, and wisdom will pull you through.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them—that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”—Lao Tzu

2. You Have to Do Your Emotional Homework

Your emotional patterns, negative cognitions, and habits can run your life and make you act in ways that don’t bring you happiness, unless you take charge.

Some people use busyness as a way to avoid facing themselves. Some people use addictive substances so they never have to feel the distress. Some people use meditation and seemingly higher states of consciousness to avoid dealing with painful feelings, childhood wounds, and developmental gaps, a tendency known as spiritual by-passing.

I used busyness as my escape. I clung to the belief, “Nothing’s wrong with me.” But the unrelenting residue of trauma finally made me explore therapy.

Working on my emotional patterns over the last few years has made me stronger, emotionally and spiritually. The past year has shown me I need to go even deeper into emotionally healing to stop falling into the same traps that only bring unhappiness.

If you don’t address your false beliefs, emotional issues, and unhealthy habits, you’ll just keep repeating the same patterns again and again. You might have happy days now and then, when all the externals come together, but you won’t find true happiness.

“Decide daily to be the agent of your own life—you have nothing to lose and so much to gain.”—Jennifer Louden

3. It Take Times to Process Your Emotions and Experiences

Wouldn’t it be nice to love fully, forgive easily, and relax into whatever occurs in life?

We want to love, but we hurt others instead. We want to forgive, but we stubbornly hold onto resentments. We want to relax, but anxiety encroaches into our days.

You can’t force yourself to be different right away. It takes time, attention, and courage to heal our deeply embedded patterns. But if you create the right conditions, you’ll see steady growth. It may be slow, but it will build up, and you’ll probably take a few leaps, now and then.

In the meantime, learn to fully accept yourself without judgment. Accept the pace of your personal growth without pressuring yourself to go faster, judging yourself for not being further along, or punishing yourself for making a mistake.

Always be kind to yourself.

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”― Maya Angelou

4. Your Life Purpose Isn’t Conventional Happiness

Have you ever wondered if there’s more to life than working, accumulating possessions, and often changing relationships?

Your life purpose isn’t to be happy, at least not in a conventional sense. Consider all the times you’ve been happy and externals changed. Did your happiness fly right out the door?

I bet it did. We’ve already learned that externals aren’t reliable.

Is there a more enduring form of happiness, available to us?

The contemporary spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, suffered from profound depression and anxiety the first three decades of his life.

Suddenly, a thought came to him: Who is aware of these depressive, suicidal thoughts? Is there one of me or two? This led to a spiritual awakening and an enduring state of peace he had previously never thought possible.

Most of us will not awaken suddenly like Tolle did. But we can learn to calm our minds. We can learn to stop identifying with our thoughts and emotions. We can instead connect with the greater awareness that lies beneath and beyond them.

Don’t chase conventional happiness. You might find it for a while, but it will never last. Instead focus on discovering who you truly are at the most profound level—the always present and unchanging essence of your mind.

“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” —Eckhart Tolle

5. You’re Getting Older Each Moment

Whatever your age, you’re getting older each moment.

Instead of closing your eyes to your mortality, let it prompt you to focus less on gains in this transitory material world, and more on cultivating the human qualities that matter most—like kindness, love, grace, and tolerance.

Let the thought of growing older impel you to set priorities and use your time well. After all, sand constantly slips through the hourglass. As Tibetans say: You never know what will come next: tomorrow or the next life.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, people die in their twenties all the time. Awareness of your own mortality can help you get your priorities straight, whatever your age.

“In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.”—Carlos Castaneda

Closing Thoughts

We’re all looking for an oasis where we can peacefully rest. We need respite, for sure. Enjoy the peaceful moments when they come, and never apologize for taking care of yourself.

But the universe won’t permanently leave you alone. It wants you to “get it,” so life lessons will keep coming until you do. To make it easier, accept these five inescapable truths as soon as you can:

1. You can’t depend on anything external

2. You have to do your emotional homework

3. It takes time to process your emotions and experience

4. Your life purpose isn’t conventional happiness

5. You’re getting older each moment

We’re all human so of course there will be resistance. But if you keep these truths at the forefront of your mind, slowly the resistance will lessen. And even if resistance arises initially, in response to a challenge, your wisdom mind will arise too.

Don’t fight reality. Reality always wins. Instead, accept these and all other indisputable truths you encounter. Do so and you’ll be able to live with far more ease.

Thank you for your presence, I know your time is precious!  Don’t forget to  sign up for Wild Arisings, my twice monthly letters from the heart filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas to help you connect with and live from your truest self. 

You might also like to check out my  Living with Ease course or visit my Self-Care Shop. May you be happy, well, and safe – always.  With love, Sandra