Recently, my sister sent me an old newspaper clipping of women marching in front of the County Government Center holding protest signs. I was there! We were protesting budget cuts imposed upon the Battered Women’s Shelter.
When I look at this younger version of myself I see intensity, determination, and a caring heart, all wrapped up in a high degree of tension and neurosis. The through line of good intention remains now, happily the tension and neurosis less so.
I am living a new story. In one thread of my rewrite, I am deeply loved. Although I have been loved for many years, I’ve never fully believed it. So I always operated from a desperate place of lovelessness. This is an orientation that cultivates constant tension and fear. You see, if you do the slightest thing wrong, any possibility of love will fly away.