Always Well Within

Calm Your Mind, Ease Your Heart, Embrace Your Inner Wisdom

Love or Fear: Which Will It Be?

Tess Marshall, The Bold Life

Tess Marshall

This is a guest post from the indomitable Tess Marshall from The Bold Life.

I know several women that are looking for life partners.

I think when we consistently put ourselves in a state of love or when we become love, love will find us.

We are either in a fearful state or a loving state at all times. These are the only two emotions. All other emotions are derivatives of love or fear.

When I am depressed, sad, and angry or hurt, I am living in fear. If I am feeling joy, peace, appreciation or happiness, I am living in a state of love.

I would suggest that if you want to find a loving partner it’s a good idea to “be” the love you want to find.

This doesn’t mean that a loving partner will come into your life. That may be dependent upon your soul’s plan for this lifetime.

When we are immersed in love, we are living our true purpose. We are healed and as we heal we help heal the world.

  • If we want love, we need to be more giving.
  • If we want love, we need to open our hearts to receive.
  • If we want love, we need to be more loving.

Become the love that you seek and love will surround you, enfold you, protect you, and heal you.

The following statements will help you recognize which state you’re in, love or fear.

  • My fearful self envies you. My loving self is amazed by you.
  • My fearful self condemns you. My loving self blesses you.
  • My fearful self attacks you. My loving self forgives you.
  • My fearful self believes that I’m inadequate.
  • My loving self knows that I am enough.
  • My fearful self wants it all. My loving self has all it needs.
  • My fearful self says stay busy. My loving self says sit still.
  • My fearful self is hungry. My loving self is full.
  • My fearful self is unhappy. My loving self knows joy.
  • My fearful self sees separation. My loving self sees unity.
  • My fearful self is selfish. My loving self is kind.
  • My fearful self is judgmental. My loving self is accepting.
  • My fearful self sees the negative. My loving self sees the positive.
  • My fearful self is desperate. My loving self is content.
  • My fearful self wants to whine. My loving self wants to praise.
  • My fearful self wants to condemn you. My loving self want to raise you up.
  • My fearful self wants to control. My loving self wants to flow.
  • My fearful has an agenda. My loving self has a mission.
  • My fearful self wears a mask. My loving self is transparent.
  • My fearful self keeps score. My loving self keeps peace.
  • My fearful self lives in darkness. My loving self becomes the light.
  • My fearful self is in the future. My loving self is savoring now.
  • My fearful self shuts down. My loving self opens up.
  • My fearful self is an expert. My loving self is doesn’t know.
  • My fearful self is unworthy. My loving self is delightful.
  • My fearful self is complicated. My loving self is simple.
  • My fearful self is difficult. My loving self is easy.
  • My fearful self fears the future. My loving self expects the best.

Each moment is an opportunity to choose love over fear. When we make the wrong choice, we can choose again.

If you want to give and receive more love. Give up your fear. You happiness and freedom depend on it.

Tess Marshall blogs at The Bold Life.

She has just written a new e-course, Take Your Fear and Shove It: Be Bold, Play Big, and Shine Bright.


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  1. Jean Sampson

    Wow, Tess and Sandra, what a way to start the day!.Thanks for breaking it down like that into how the loving self acts as opposed to the fearful self’s attitude. It is always a choice and depends on awareness, and the desire to continue to inhabit the realm of the loving self. The other important thing is to remember to treat your fearful self with love and kindness and just know that she is telling you where she needs love and healing! 🙂 Hugs!

    • Hi Tess and Sandra,

      Thank you for sharing such an inspiring words of wisdom. It is true that “each moment is an opportunity to choose love over fear” and everyday is a new beginning. As human beings we have the privilage of choosing our thoughts which influence our emotions and our state of being. No matter what situation we are in we can choose to focus on the positive. Even when we are in the midst of experiencing terrifying or unfortunate circumstances we can look for the silver lining. In every experience we have in life there is a lesson. If we are open and receptive we will see it. We will also see that we always have options and choices. We can choose love and healing. Wishing you both many blessings and Peace,


    • Jean,
      Thanks for adding the self-kindness. We’ll move it to the top of the list! Amen to that. I appreciate your support and comment.

    • Jean,

      Yes! Befriending your fearful self is such an important element in transformation. Thanks for adding that piece.

  2. Neseret,

    We are so blessed to have this wisdom and even more blessed to have the courage to act on it. Isn’t life grand?

  3. Love this!!! great words to live by 🙂 and this was perfect because this morning I was not in a good place with being the love I want in return. Thanks for this!

    • Julie,
      I know exactly what you mean. Isn’t it wonderful that we have so many opportunities to remind each other on the internet! Thanks for stopping by.

  4. Tess,

    This is such fantastic advice whether we are seeking a relationship or not. True love comes from within, but sometimes it can be hard to see how and where we are blocking that. This list illuminates those places and is like someone holding our hand taking us into the heart of love. Thank you Tess for sharing your clarity and wisdom with us.

  5. Your welcome Sandra, thanks for being my friend. I appreciate your support and all the love you send out to help heal our world. xo

  6. Mandy

    If only life was that simple!! Human beings are far more complex in my opinion…

  7. Hello Mandy,

    How are you? I hear you! We all face different challenges and some aren’t easy at all. It takes tremendous diligence and mind training to perfect the state of love. It’s a path and I appreciate the complexity you point out! I wish you well.

  8. mandy

    Suffering all the time….

    • Mandy,
      I’m really sorry to hear about your suffering. My heart goes out to you. I’ve suffered quite a bit in the last year too. I know it’s not easy. I’m glad you are in touch. I am including you in my prayers. Let me know if there is anyway I can support you. With love, Sandra

  9. Mandy

    Thankyou Sandra, that is very kind of you….and enormously appreciated, i have had a bit of a reprieve today, my mood has lifted to something more manageable(for now anyway)But that was due to a friend’s contact… is often the case. Could i ask, how do we as people maintain that love we get from others? I will probably be ok for a few days but then need a boost again…..i dont quite know how to do that for myself? Its like there is no love in me until it gets put into me by others…Is that the case for everyone or?

    • Hello!,

      I was just thinking of you in my practice. Thanks for the update. I’m glad you’re feeling better, Mandy, and that you have supportive friends.

      I myself have been working with the practice of loving kindness to cultivate love within me so that I am not dependent on love from others.

      Have you read Chapter 10 of The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying – Compassion the wish-Fulfilling Jewel?

      On page 199, there’s a section called How to Awaken Love and Compassion. As you experience, it says …”the sources of our love and compassion are sometimes hidden from us, and we may have no ready access to them. Fortunately, there are several special techniques that the Buddhist “training the mind” in compassion has developed to help us evoke our own hidden love.” Then it goes on to explain how to unseal the spring of loving kindness within you.

      I also wrote a two-part series about cultivating love from within on this blog. This is the first part; the second part goes over the practice:

      It takes time and practice to reconnect with and grow the love within, but it is possible. I wish you the very best with this and offer you all my support.

      The third part of the What Meditation Really Is course is an introduction to loving kindness, so that might also be a possibility for you if you are feeling up to it at some point.

      You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. mandy

    Thankyou Sandra, for your support and recommended readings….i have downloaded Sogyal Rinpoches book so will be able to read what you suggested. At the moment all i have access to is pain and loss… name ive lost it! 🙂 The idea of remembering being loved just makes me cry also….but i will try and get motivated to meditate tomorrow and dig deep to feel that of being loved and not the pain of being without it…Thankyou again x

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