This is a guest post by Lynn Fang from Upcylced Love.
When we think of personal connection, we most easily and frequently associate it with a connection in personality or worldview – someone who ‘gets’ you: your humor, the way you think, or what you do. You get a little high from the synergy of two people who understand each other on a special level.
But my cuddly grey cat Smokey has taught me a few things about connection – each of our senses is a path to our outside world, a potential bridge to another person or being.
Touch
Smokey is a cuddling machine. She wants to be held, it makes her feel loved and happy. She loves to be petted and pampered. She doesn’t know me – my deep secrets, fears, and big ambitions. It doesn’t matter. So long as we’re together, her in my embrace, life is good.
When we touch others, whether it’s a simple brush or a comforting hand, a connection is formed. A hug connects more deeply than a brush, but any touch gifts connection.
Sight and Presence
When I’m busy writing out a blog post like this one, my kitty is always nearby. If she isn’t pacing about my vicinity, she’s sitting quietly on the chair next to me. The only thing she wants is to see me and be with me.
The next time you go from home alone to a public gathering, make note of your awareness of others. How does it feel to simply be in the presence of other people? Though they are strangers to you, you all share that space and moment in time together.
In our closest relationships, we often want to share everything – every thought and action we’ve had and done. We consider the sharing of our souls an expression of love and connection. The secret is you don’t always have to speak to share a connection. Simply being in the same room together, perhaps doing separate activities, is enough to sense true connection. Like the public gathering, you’re sharing space and time together.
Voice
Who doesn’t love a cat’s meow? I love to hear Smokey’s voice – it’s unique, all hers, and she’s calling out to me. I talk to her too – I tell her I love her, that she’s cute, and I ask her what’s wrong if she’s frazzled. I don’t know how much she understands, but if I can decipher some part of her meow, I’m guessing she knows a little of what I’m telling her as well.
Sometimes we feel conversation has to be great, deep, heart-wrenching, or brimming with wit. It’s a validation of both ourselves and the other person. But you can tell a lot from the way a person speaks – confidence, personality, and wit can all come through. And it doesn’t have to have anything to do with what they’re really saying.
Conversation can be simple – a sharing of insights on the weather, the history of a place, a joke about your coffee – and you can tell whether or not you like this person, whether or not a human connection is formed. Though you may not be soul-mates, you certainly aren’t strangers anymore.
Smell
Cats are always sniffing about. It’s through their sense of smell that they come to know you – where you’ve been and what you’ve seen and touched.
Someone once told me that people with similar smells get along the best. So the next time someone naturally smells good to you, take it as a sign that you’ve got a special little connection going. Perhaps following a scent will really lead you to your soul-mate.
Taste
I confess I’ve only licked my cat once, and a mouth full of fur can be a little traumatizing. But she licks me sometimes, and other cats have obsessively licked me to show their love.
Perhaps taste is a more intimate connection, one reserved for a romantic partner. I would never tell you to go lick your best friend’s arm to show you love him or her. I doubt it would really help move your relationship forward. On the other hand, sharing a deep French kiss with your lover generates a profound sense of connection. If you don’t like your partner’s taste, I imagine it wasn’t meant to be.
What do you think? Have you experienced these connections?
This post is dedicated to my cat Smokey, for teaching me how to connect with my senses.
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Lynn Fang wants to create a more harmonious world. She blogs about sustainable simplicity and conscious living at Upcycled Love. Follow her on Twitter if you liked this piece.
A Note from Sandra: Lynn was recently highlighted among 40 Bloggers to Watch in 2011 by ProBlogger. This is well deserved praise! I’m an avid reader of Upcycled Love myself.
If you liked this article, please share the link with others and take a moment to leave a comment below. Thanks so much, Sandra
What a lovely cat Smokey is! I can relate to what you say so much…because my cats have taught me the same things – they are great teachers, Master Zen teachers as my husband says
Beautiful post.
And Sandra, I love the new header!
Thanks, Cristina! They are totally Master Zen teachers, way beyond us humans.
Hi Lynn,
This is a lovely post. Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without my critter friends. They’ve gotten me through some dark times. God Bless our loving critters!
~Dandy
Thanks, Dandy!
Who couldn’t love this post?! I have that connection with my dog. She is always nearby. She thinks she is a small dog (she isn’t) and crowds onto my lap. She has the softest ears. She sleeps with me. During the night she gets cold and pokes me (really!) until I lift up the covers so she can scoot under and curl up next to me. She is 12 years old and showing her age, so she gets lots of extra lovin’ these days.
Awww, how cute! My appreciation for dogs has really grown recently – I would love to have a small dog sometime in the future.
Lynn,
Thank you for this very sweet yet insightful post. It made me smile and chuckle so many times. At the same time, it really speaks to a core truth ~ connecting with others helps us to remember and celebrate the interconnectedness of all life. This is an essential key to true happiness, indeed. Smokey one smart kitty.
Sandra, Thanks so much for the opportunity to guest post!
Connection on any level and with any living being can be both a spiritual experience and a healing one.
Cats, dogs our spouses – it’s all natural and needed!
Alex
Yes, you are so right!
As an animal-lover coexisting with two cats in the house, I loved this. Touch says what words can’t, yet they will also accept and try their version of words too. Some people think cats are self-absorbed, but they “meow” out of the desire to imitate OUR form of communication. The meows they share with us are nothing like the sounds they make in communicating with each other. Ones that are more verbally clever will clearly imitate “hello”, “no”, “out”, “hey” and the general rise and fall tone of extended conversations, despite having a mouth design ill-suited to talking.
I love your take on cat speak! I knew my cat communicated with different patterns of rising and falling tones, but never thought she was trying to imitate human words, but it makes a lot of sense. I definitely know she doesn’t meow for no reason.
My cat friendships have been some of the longest and most fulfilling in my life. My current kitty loves to talk — lots of small throaty chirps when I get home after being away for a while. I think her blindness has also taught me something about resilience and the ability to enjoy life even with its challenges.
Awww cute. That’s too bad about her blindness, but good to hear she is living well with you. I sometimes think about my life if I were blind, and how it drastically it would change. I’m guessing I’d throw myself into the arts after that.
music, that is
Hi Lynn,
I love cats, so I was naturally drawn to this article. It is truly a unique way to look at personal connection when we look at the bond that we can have with our pets. Here are some of the thoughts that crossed my mind as I read your article.
Sight and Presence
I enjoyed this point the most. I like how you say, “The secret is you don’t always have to speak to share a connection. Simply being in the same room together, perhaps doing separate activities, is enough to sense true connection.” This is very true if you are of one heart and mind with the person you love.
Voice
Conversation is usually the way we connect with people. And because it is common, there are many insights we can gain about the other person from a chat. I feel it is good to enjoy a spectrum of conversations from serious to fun when you are with good friends or loved ones.
Thanks for sharing about personal connection through Smokey. I enjoyed learning from your bond with your cat.
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irving, Thanks for adding your thoughts to the piece! I like your take on conversation. I think I’ve been too focused on serious conversation lately, which is why I wrote about the opposite
I loved this post.
I’d rather hang out with Tigger than most people I know. He always smells good and he’s an excellent listener.
Smokey is adorable.
Thank you! Humans aren’t such great listeners unfortunately.
There is nothing like the connection with an animal. I am amazed every day by what my dog teaches me. She is so present and truly lives in the moment-filled with unconditional love.Thank you Lynn for such a perfect post about what your kitty has taught you about your senses. Smokey is adorable.
Totally! I’m so glad you can experience that with your dog. Thank you!
Cool Lynn. I get the feeling in my own life that I am blessed with a lot of love… but the direction of my attention means I recognize little of it.
This post is a reminder to be aware of things beyond my nose in order to share with the wider world – and that i am sharing reality with the people around me, whose lives are far more real than the things inside my head that are taking up so much of my attention (though I’m sure there’s a balance somewhere).
It always helps to be aware of others and their state of being. Because helping others in small ways goes a long way to increasing the happiness in our own state.
Animals are our teachers. It’s that simple. there simple, powerful presence and unrelenting love and patience (well, it varies on the species) carries us forward in ways we are unaware of.
Thanks Lynn…
I totally know what you mean – blessed with love, but without direction. I often feel that way, but slowly I think I am finding direction. It can be really tough to see all the good in your life, and be grateful for it.
When I find myself fixating on unnecessary thoughts, I try to say ‘stop’ and it goes away. It doesn’t always work, b/c I have to address the root problem, but it helps. And if I focus on the connection I experience with people, however small, then I’m less likely to get lost in my own head. I want to adopt more healthy habits too, like yoga and green smoothies. I already garden once a week, which is especially healing. Those will help my mindset overall.
Everyone is my teacher
You included! Humans are a definite. But I always consider animals and nature too. They know things we don’t get right away. They have a different set of knowledge, a different understanding of the world. I’d love to tap into that.
Thanks, Ali!
Hi Sandra and Lynn .. having not owned a pet for many years – too much work and travelling about .. but I certainly remember my childhood days and the comfort the cats gave us .. and when I was married we had a bull terrier & he was a delight .. just very sad I had to find another home for him on divorce .. a touch is all that matters sometime .. cheers Hilary
Hi Hillary, sometimes just seeing an animal in its idyllic state is enough to bring a sense of peace. Sometimes a gentle touch is all you need
As a person who lives with 6 cats, I love this post. One of them is even named Smoky! I can surely relate and agree with all points.
I often look to my cats to be my teachers, my inspiration, and my healers and nuturers. Aren’t they supposed to be Zen masters? I once wrote that a cat rolling around on her back in a sunny spot on the drive way could make me smile even when I didn’t think I had anything to smile about.
I never thought of them as Zen masters before! But now you and another commenter has also brought this up – I can’t see my cat any other way now! You’re so right – just seeing a cat rolling around having a good time is enough to make me smile. Honestly I could do nothing but watch my cat all day and I would be quite happy.
Hi Everyone,
I’ve really enjoyed everyone’s comments so much and wanted to take a moment to tell you so! I always learn so much from your comments, which I deeply appreciate. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed Lynn’s article, which I also found very touching.
We have three cats – Bodhi, Chitta, and Tara. I learn so much from them in so many ways from how to be more loving to how to rest, relax, and play. They are my teachers indeed!
I am so happy you are all a part of my life and thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
I’m getting a cat.
Hooray! Time for snuggles
Hi Lynn and Sandra, I really enjoyed this post.
I have 2 cats that couldn’t be more different. One is hyperintelligent, and we swear that she (Kallie) was a person in a former life. She seems to have the full range of human emotions.
My other cat, Austin, is more like Smokey. Sometimes he wants to cuddle by flopping down on your neck when you’re sleeping. He does make noises sometimes, but he’s more oriented to watching me for nonverbal cues. Sometimes he will make eye contact and roll on his back as a sign he wants scritches. He rubs his nose on me to mark me with his scent because smell is the internet to cats.
The most important thing Austin is teaching me is to live in the moment. He doesn’t worry about what happened last week, yesterday or an hour ago, nor does he seem to fret about the future. If you are petting him now, he’s happy, and he forgets that the mailman scared him 10 minutes ago.
Hi Jennifer, that’s what I love about Smokey too – she doesn’t really think in the past or future, she only cares about her present moment – if she wants a cuddle, she find a way to jump on my neck too. Thanks for sharing!
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Interesting … now that you mention it, I’ve never met a cat’s meow that I didn’t like.
Meows are somehow incredibly endearing
Lynn,
Okay…I’ll just say that when our cat meows at 5 AM in the morning, because he wants to go outside…”love” is not always the word we use!!!
All kidding aside though – I see all of this, very much, in our cat too. And one of the biggest things that I’m always touched by: it doesn’t matter what I look like, what I’m wearing, etc, etc to our cat (Rufus). It matters much more that he feels loved.
…and isn’t that a truly wonderful way to live life…
As for the french kiss, I shall share one (or a couple!) with my wife today!
lol! I know what you mean – when I’m in some creative frenzy trying to get my work done or like you say trying to get some sleep, I don’t have as much ‘love’ for my cat’s meow! When Smokey was a kitten, she would pounce on my stomach when I was just drifting off to sleep, thereby jerking me awake. How rude!
I agree – living in love is much more wonderful than superficial judgments. Thanks for your comment!
Beautiful article! And funny… Just as I began reading it, my yellow lab came up to me for a little affection.
It reminded me of how much I missed my first yellow lab who’s passed away. I remember after he died, thinking of how he’ll always be with me in a way, but still missing being able to touch him and hug him and feel his fur against my face.
That’s when I think I really got how precious our senses are, and how lucky we are to be alive on this earth to get to experience them.
You’re so right, Patty! It must become much more evident when you lose your furry friend. Because of this moment with my cat, I realize how important our senses are to feel connections. That’s what being a live is about – our sense help direct us where to go, what to eat, who to talk to. And when we die, we won’t have those senses to help us anymore. Thanks so much for your insight!
We’re all in this together. We’re all connected.
Sometimes when I’m at a busy place I imagine a silver or golden cord between everybody’s hearts. Like everybody is connected through a cord with everybody. It’s much easier to feel loving towards these people then. They don’t feel like strangers any more.
Hi Alice,
I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the English speaking world of personal development. I love your enthusiasm and the great title of your blog. I wish you the best of luck with it.
Nice approach to connecting!
Hi Alice, that’s a beautiful way to look at it. I try to cultivate a sense of interconnectedness every day, and it really helps me feel more connected, and less alone.
Hi Lynn and Sandra,
I was intrigued to read this article not because of any personal connection that I have with a pet, but because it gives me some insight on how others truly see and value their pet relationships. This article gives me more empthay for my sister who has recently encountered a loss in her life and has found new companionship with her dog. Thanks for showing me the other side of things.
Peace and blessings,
Lisa
Hi Lisa, I’m so glad you could learn from this piece even though you don’t own animals. I know it can be difficult to understand the attachment people have with their pets, as it took me quite a while to really understand my relationship with my cat. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective!